Annoyed at thread drift

Status
Not open for further replies.
So today...
63af8cb24430da8d6738e822977d1a3b.jpg

...shhhhhh...don't tell my wife.

Just pretend this is hwitty.
 
"Poor Old fool," thought the gentleman as he watched an old man trying to fish in a puddle of water outside of the bar. He decided to invite the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he'd humor the old man and asked, "So how many have you caught so far?"

The old man replied, "You're the eighth today."
 
A guy sits down at the bar and orders drink after drink. "Is everything okay, pal?" the bartender asks.
"My wife and I got into a fight and she said she isn't talking to me for a month!"

Trying to put a positive spin on things, the bartender says, "Well, maybe that's kind of a good thing. You know, ..a little peace and quiet?"

"Yeah. But today is the last day!"
 
My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market. I went and looked around and couldn't find any. So I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and said, "These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?"

The produce guy looked at me and said, "No. You'll have to do that yourself."
 
Two 90-year old guys, Leo and Frank, had been friends all of their lives.
When it was clear that Leo was dying, Frank visited him every day.

One day Frank said, "Leo, we both loved playing softball all our lives, and we played all through High School.
Please do me one favor when you get to Heaven. Somehow you must let me know if there's softball there."

Leo looked up at Frank from his deathbed and said, "Frank, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favor for you."

Shortly after that, Leo passed on.

A few nights later, Frank was awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, "Frank! Frank!"

"Who is it?" asked Frank sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"

"Leo. It's me, Leo."

"You're not Leo! Leo just died."

"I'm telling you, it's me, Leo", insisted the voice.

"Leo! Where are you?"

"In Heaven," replied Leo. "I have some really good news and a little bad news."

"Tell me the good news first," said Frank

"The good news,' Leo said, "is that there's softball in Heaven. Better yet, all of our old buddies who died before us are here, too.
Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always springtime, and it never rains or snows.
And best of all, we can play softball all we want, and we never get tired." "That's fantastic," said Frank. "It's beyond my wildest dreams!
So what's the bad news?"

"You're pitching Tuesday."
 
A widow recently married a widower. Soon after the marriage she was approached by a friend who laughingly remarked, "I suppose, like all men who have been married before, your husband sometimes talks about his first wife?"

"Oh, not any more, he doesn't," the widow replied.

"What stopped him?"

"I started talking about my next husband."
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top