Spank or No Spank?

My wife is watching that Nanny reality show. I hate it as well as most reality TV.

I don't agree with the No Spank talk until your blue in the face method. You'll notice I said Spank, not Beat.

My dad beat the heck out of me. And I probably deserved it. His father beat him and so on. I broke the cycle with my daughter thankfully.

When she was in diapers she got swatted several times. And it worked. She's now out of college living on her own. She's never been in trouble.

When she was still in diapers, we got her one of those paddles with the rubber ball attached to a rubber band. It broke a while later. One day my wife was extremely mad at our daughter and wrote her name on the wooden paddle. Every time our daughter made mom mad, mom would show her the paddle with daughter's name on it. It had a profound effect. Never had to use it and we joke about it to this day.

I might add, one day my wife got mad at me and wrote MY name on the paddle!

My parents spanked me growing up, but I was never beaten. I was probably 6 or 7 the last time I was spanked, after that I could receive "the look" from either of my parents and knew it was time to stop whatever it was I was doing.

I have two sons. The oldest was spanked once around 3 or 4 years old, never required it after that. The youngest, now 15, needed a little more physical encouragement up until he was about 5 or 6. Both of them by then understood what "the look" meant, as I inherited it from my dad.

I got beat regularly. I turned out ok. I turned out ok. I turned out ok.

Spare the rod and spoil the child. I have 5 kids and I provide appropriate consequences based on the infraction, and sometimes spanking is the proper consequence. I am told regularly by babysitters, teachers, scout leaders, choir directors, etc. that my kids are the most well behaved and well mannered children they encounter. And I wonder what's wrong with them because my kids are clearly all wild misbehaving ankle biting anarchists. That is until I go out in public and see the other kids those babysitters, teachers, scout leaders, choir directors, etc. have to deal with. Makes me want to go spank their parents. Always makes me go home and tell my kids how proud I am of them. Yep, spare the rod and spoil the child.

I never got spanked or whupped, it wasn't done in my family, my sibling and cousins and I turned out all right. As the Jack Nicholson character says in the first "Batman" movie, "Better think about the future." I've known my share of people who were too quick with corporal punishment and are now reaping what they sowed. It's a little rough when you're 65, bothered by arthritis, bursitis, bum knee, bad back, whatever and you're trying to duke it out with someone who's half your age, a good 20-30 muscular pounds heavier, and has a lot of anger and resentment to stoke thier anger.

I had my fraternity paddle on my office wall of my first teaching post. It was the early days of school and I was still checking handbooks. One kid walks past my door. Then I see her back up. "Mrs. McNeil, is that a paddle?" "yes" "Is it to use on us?" "That's up to you if I do or don't"

No problems.

This was a private school where we could if we had to.

Because we could, we never had to.

In the places where you can't is where you need to most.

I got hit when I deserved it and it was the same for my two boys when they were young. My oldest got paddled pretty good for running away from my side when we were walking through the parking lot. He was still in diapers and I had just told him how important it was to stay by my side so I can hold his hand. One good spanking later and we never had the issue again. My youngest was told to leave the candle alone and couldn't help himself, he covered it with a hand towel so he got a spanking. He never pushed the envelope again. In both memorable spankings it was over their personal safety as they were too young to understand how dangerous the behavior could be. Boys are 14 and 11 now and they are doing quite well. I don't believe in blasting a child for everything they do but will bust their behind if they did something that could get them hurt.

Interesting subject, and I'm sure a lot of different opinions. I don't pass judgement on how others discipline their children, but am often annoyed by how undisciplined so many kids seem to be these days.

My father raised us kids (I'm the youngest of 4) in the 'old school' tradition. He demanded respect for him and my mother, and he was not shy about using his belt, or open hand to re-enforce that discipline, when we stepped over the established line. My father was a very intense competitive, physical guy back then. I really feel that he only did this when we truly were out of line, but it was terrifying none the less. I think it was even worse for my older siblings.

I love my dad, he's a great guy, and I have benefited by what he has taught me over the years. I understand that my grandfather was very heavy handed with my father, and I'm sure that's where he got it... A few years ago, I was visiting with my young son, and my father actually apologized for 'being too rough with me' when I was young, that he regretted it in hindsight. I could tell he felt really bad/guilty about it. My father is a man of few words, so I know he really wanted to get it off of his chest. I told him not to worry about it, I'm sure he did the best he could, and that I couldn't imagine having a better dad. I think it made him feel better. He's a very good man, he just handled things the way he was raised, but it was rough.

This being said, I do believe there is a better way of maintaining discipline, and control, other than resorting to it becoming physical. I'm the father of a 6 year old son, and 2 year old daughter. With my oldest, during times of stress, I found myself resorting to imposing myself over him, and really had to stop and restrain myself. I swatted him on his butt once, and the look that came over his face really hit me. I love my son like no one else, I waited 40 years to have him, and I swore that I would do what I could to find a better way. I don't ask for God's help in many things, but I'll tell you that I did in this area...

I'm sure that swat on the butt helped him gain a healthy bit of 'respect' for me, but really it just scared him. I don't like the idea of having to terrorize a child in order to have him understand 'respect'; it's counter intuitive if you think about it.

It takes a lot more work, and thinking, but there are truly better, more intelligent, more effective ways of reaching your children without scaring the stuff out of them. I'm positive that spanking the heck out of your kid will get compliance, but I believe it comes with a host of issues for the child down the road. I'm a pretty big guy, 6' 2" 200 lbs., and I've been around the block when it comes to physical confrontations. I'm pretty sure that when my son was 2-3-4-5, etc. years old, that he would see me as a pretty darn imposing figure when I would get riled up. I just felt that hitting him would break down the trust that he has in me, I'm convinced that that stuff really does damage kids. I found myself resorting to really yelling at him, that too is not healthy, and I've worked on that. I'm at a place now where I'm a better parent, and I have a wonderful, respectful son. And, I've talked to him about these things along the way, just because they're little does not mean their stupid...

I wish I could have done a better job, but I always thought about it, and tried to do the best I could. I think that's the best any of us parents can do, just try to do it better for your child than you had it. My hope is that he will be even better with his son some day...

I really think that you need to spend a lot of time with them, communicate to have them understand, stay diligent to back up what you tell them. Every kid is different, my oldest is very kind, and gentle, and I really don't see where getting physical would ever be an effective method. My 2 year old daughter is 10 times more challenging than my son was at that age, but I really am much more patient the second time around. Plus she's real cute, thank God! I find myself more amused by the hysterics this time around!

Anyway, I usually don't get personal on these forums, but this is a sensitive subject to me, and I like to share my thoughts on it. Thanks for the rant, cheap therapy, I guess!

I got spanked (hard) several times as a kid. I probably got away with a lot of stuff that should have got me spanked. I turned out fine. My first child, a girl, now 21 and married, got it a number of times. My second, a boy, now 18, got it a BUNCH more (and he deserved every one). We always say our third child was only a girl for one reason.......Prayer. We said "God, we love him, but PLEASE don't give us another boy!" He was stinkin' cute, but what a handful! Our youngest daughter (Daddy's Girl, by the way) is now almost 15, and has never been spanked. She actually has NEVER done anything even remotely bad enough to deserve it. If she had, we would have spanked her, but she honestly has been just that good.
All three of them turned out great, and we love them equally, and I can honestly say I would do it all just the same if I could go back...... And I really wish I could sometimes.
Jim

I was the disciplinarian when my kids were little, and I swatted little butts when I felt they needed it. I was spanked, and HARD, as a kid, and I will tell you unabashedly that I had it coming, and it did me good. Kids need boundaries, need to understand the rules, and once rulesand punishments are established, things get better for all concerned. No sane parent wants to smack their kids, but sometimes you have to show them you mean business, and some things won't be tolerated. If it's not an everyday thing, they figure out what not to do pretty quickly.

My oldest daughter was a rebel, and thought she was above having to listen to me. Her Mama wouldn't paddle her, but I would, and she decided I was just a jerk. Then we moved to a new area, a new school district, and she didn't like the teacher, or being the new kid, so when the bus came, she hid behind a tree until it left. Then she came inside and told us the bus never came, so it must be a day off of school. I had watched the whole thing from the garage, told her Mama what had happened, and let nature take its course. Mama asked her several times if she was sure the bus hadn't come, daughter insisted it hadn't, and Mama finally pulled her over her knee and spanked her but good. Mama hadn't ever spanked her like that, and she responded by screaming, "You're beating me! You're beating me!"

Mama replied (between whacks with an open hand) "I have not yet BEGUN to beat! If you ever lie to me again you'll get it ten times worse than this, and then you have to face your Daddy!"

There were no further problems with that child.............ever. And her younger siblings, who were old enough to witness what happened, never even TRIED to lie to her, or transgress in other ways. The Wrath of The Mama was FAR worse than anything I ever dished out.

My parents used corporal punishment. My mother preferred a switch cut off a tree in the back yard. It was used infrequently. My father was raised amid harsh circumstances in a chaotic home environment. He used his belt. It was used infrequently. When used it was severe. My wife seldom if ever used corporal punishment on our daughters. Her methods were very effective as demonstrated by the outstanding results obtained with our children. I only occasionally spanked my daughters and only in cases of extreme disobedience which were very seldom. Perhaps some of the reason such discipline was only occasionally required is that the home environment was stable, expectations and responsibility was clearly stated and understood. JMHO. Sincerely. brucev.

I was spanked occasional when i was a small child and imho i am a better man for it.

I got spanked, but I can't honestly say that it was very effective. Maybe they didn't hit me hard enough? The worst punishment that I remember was being grounded, or the dreaded bar of soap. Ever have soap rubbed across your teeth? Yummy. lol.

We've never spanked our kids, but I have had to be firm with them at times and let them know that I was fully capable of dealing with them if they didn't change their behavior. Today, my kids are very well behaved, they get good grades, and get good reports from their teachers.

I'm glad that I didn't get into physical struggles with them. My 15-year-old is already about 5'-11" and 200+ pounds. I can no longer easily manhandle him.

I have taught in schools with and without paddling. The Schools with were much better. If parents do not want their kids paddled they should (a) teach them to behave and/or (b) go to school and take the paddling for them.

Spanking is fine as long as you never administer the punishment while angry. You must deliver it the punishment in an unemotional almost business like manner, if you let your emotions get the better of you the child may get hurt.

The spanking never bother me near as much as the lectures.

I only ever swatted my son once, on the butt. That seemed to be enough. But I was lucky; he was easy. There are kids that if they were mine, I'd paddle them, although I don't know how much good it would do. I don't have any firm feeling for or against corporal punishment. Obviously, many kids grow up with it and turn out just fine.

But there is a point where it crosses a line and becomes abuse. The papers are full of stories of abuse of infants, beatings, broken bones, sometimes homicides. Then you add the sexual abuse of children. I don't get this. Sometimes it seems too much to ask that parents refrain from beating their kids up and having sex with them; if you can just do that, your kids will probably be all right, but so many seem unable to manage it.

When I was a wee lad, I was watching my great uncle shave with a straight razor. I asked him why he used that instead of a Gillette like my father. He replied, "It's a useful skill for a man to have. Someday you will be married and you will understand."

I was bewildered, but a dozen years later when I first started to shave he fixed me up with a razor, mug, brush and strop and taught me to use them. I got to liking it as much for the good shave as to impress my "cowardly" friends. But then I went into the Army and straight razors were forbidden in the barracks. Later, living in family quarters, I was running late one morning when I picked up the nasty, sodden, clogged mess that was my razor when my uncle's words came back to me. I WAS married, and I UNDERSTOOD!!

That morning my old razor came out and the strop got hung in the bathroom. My dull razor problems ended immediately and, as a bonus after kids were born, the presence of the strop became the "nuclear option."

All the kids, and all their friends, knew it was a dual purpose device; useful for sharpening my razor and affecting behavior modification in small children. It never took more that saying, "Do I need to get the razor strap?" to have a salubrious effect.

spanking

BLACKHAWKNJ said:

I never got spanked or whupped, it wasn't done in my family, my sibling and cousins and I turned out all right. As the Jack Nicholson character says in the first "Batman" movie, "Better think about the future." I've known my share of people who were too quick with corporal punishment and are now reaping what they sowed. It's a little rough when you're 65, bothered by arthritis, bursitis, bum knee, bad back, whatever and you're trying to duke it out with someone who's half your age, a good 20-30 muscular pounds heavier, and has a lot of anger and resentment to stoke thier anger.

Click to expand...

Where is your .357? Don't fight an old man, he's too weak to fight and he'll just shoot you.
olcop

I had an ADHD grand child, he wore pampers or equivelent. If you cup your hand just right it will cause a severe pop when used. Scares the living out of the kid and gets their attention and the message is clear,no marks and very effective. kid never touched one of my guns again without permission. Also never crossed me again. If I said it , it was the law.

My Bulldogs get a " time out ", if i had children they would get a mild spanking if warranted and until they were old enough to understand right from wrong. Just like I did, nough said, 26