Borderline personality Disorder?

[Bat Guano]

Saving people from themselves doesn't work in my experience. I invested too much time and effort into a similar relationship, and I now thank God that it imploded prior to any marriage. To this day I don't know if she was just mean crazy or crazy mean. It had a happy ending (for me, anyway) in that one fine spring day she went to the East Coast and I went to the West Coast, never to meet again. I occasionally wonder what other men she inflicted misery on in later years.

Since then I have always been fond of the Roy Clark song, "Thank God and Greyhound"...

 

[BarbC]

I am torn with trying to help her heal and have some stabilty, and beating my head against a brick wall.

We call that "codependent".

You can't do it. She has to do it. And if you think that time will make it easier, guess again. The more you stay for it, the harder it will be to leave and then when you finally do... well, things escalate pretty badly with these types.

 

[sourdough44]

At times the proper decision is no decision. Maybe just enjoy things for a while & leave the rest be.

 

[Gary]

This thread reminds me of the old saying describing this kind of relationship:

I have been lonely and I have been miserable. Lonely is better.

 

[venomballistics]

It seems the consensus says "RUN FOR YOUR LIFE" on this one. which I agree with.
However this is probably only half of the appropriate advice that Oscar Zulu needs.
you see, OZ is likely doomed to repeat this with bad choice after bad choice till the day he passes from this earth if he does not receive the requisite food for thought to help him do this right.

The Marrying kind is not a project person. They are pretty close to complete when you find them.
its important to understand this since from your wedding day through death do they part (If you get it right) it is a team effort as the two become one.
You supplement, compliment and fortify eachother. Dont get this confused with carrying their dead weight.
If the mechanics of a marriage rest on the shoulders of one party, its foundation is not level and it will fall over.
after all, as you are single, I am sure you find your living workload quite enough for you to handle ... How in Gods name to you propose to take care of all your current obligations in life AND all the workload thrust upon you by a psycho dingbat?
its far better to compliment eachother. Understand that a complimentary relationship reciprocates. Where you might know how to paint the house for maximum effect, she might be the one planting a flower garden while you paint.
Either as a stand alone project will result in a visual improvement ... but together can be visually stunning.
if you try doing both because she will not do her part. Your paint job, no matter how exquisite, will lose its effect contrasting with the dead foliage you though you were helping her with.
balance my friend ... its all about balance

 

[smith17]

Wow, I didn't realize how lucky I was/am.
Ed

 

[kmyers]

Schizoid personality.

I actually had more than one PhD type tell me that I am a schizoid personality back when I was a student at the local junior college.

For the most part I agreed with them. I have had only one or two lasting friends that I have kept in touch with. I have a few from classmates.com that I have gotten in touch with, but I am not really close to anybody from my past going back to elementary school. Probably two or three at the most.

I did howl with laughter at one of the symptons of the schizoid personality...little or no interest in sex.

That does not describe me in the least.

 

[GregG]

It took me a lot longer than I'd have ever thought to find someone *good*. I got fooled several times, but the women turned out to be nothing more than pretty book covers with no pages in between.

I think it is prudent to hold off falling in love until you've known the person a good long time.

To the OP. If you even *think* she has problems that run that deep, she is not your woman. Don't torture yourself.

 

[38-44HD45]

I have a couple of friends whom I describe as "nut magnets." I've told them so. They attract and are attracted to women with personality disorders or mental illnesses. It has cost them thousands of dollars in legal fees for divorce lawyers, and in a couple of cases, criminal defense lawyers, as well as other expenses over the years, and endless heartbreak. As a favor, I once made the mistake of hiring an ex-wife of one of them to work in my law office, not knowing that her craziness was not limited to acts directed toward her ex-spouse. The results could only be described as disastrous. Unless you can shoot her and get away with it, RUN!!! Life is too short to spend it in a state of emotional upheaval, regardless of how she looks. Besides, if you'd seen any recent pics of Cameron Diaz without makeup, even the lust part of the equation would become easier. Blecch!

 

[venomballistics]

I still think the OP would benefit from an example of what a fine functional relationship looks like.
well at least in my case ... what it sounds like.

I married a church choir director so music was a bonus for us.

track selection one ... The Cry of the poor. Me playing solo .... Not at all bad by any means if I do say so myself.
CryOfThePoor.mp3

track selection number two. In Every Age. Now with the special effects courtesy of a healthy relationship.

In Every Age

Note how either part as a stand alone are great ... but together, a beauty forms as a sum total.


So what happens when a metal head like myself enters the arena with a classical pianist?
you'd think direction would fight like savages .... no son .... it adds depth and range of expression.

Ave Maria

this is possible because both parties in this relationship can, will and most importantly DO pull their weight to make it work.

 

[DeathGrip]

I'll make this simple.Run!!!But you all ready know that.
I went through a few crazies myself and It took me over 40 years to find the right one or should I say she found me.I had given up on the dating scene and immersed myself in work and bettering myself.Little did I know that I had become more of a "catch".So when my wife met me she knew what I was about and wouldn't let me go.I'm a happy guy now.Lesson,You have to love yourself to catch the right one.

Best of luck,D.G.

 

[Oscar Zulu]

Thanks for all the replys. I didn't think my situation would generate so much interest. So I guess go with my gut and let true love overcome any minor negative issues?
Seriously, I know what I have to do. I am already a better man for the experience....on a lot of different levels. It is just going to be tough to watch (from a distance, small town, can't isolate totally) what should have been a promising life self destruct. I have grown more in the last seven months than I have in the last 15 years, and finally feel ready for marriage and family. Thanks again
OZ

 

[BarbC]

It is just going to be tough to watch (from a distance, small town, can't isolate totally) what should have been a promising life self destruct.

And every time you will think with relief, "Dodged that bullet!"

Perhaps she will get the help she needs when she realizes her own actions are preventing her own happiness.

 

[palmetto99]

Years after my father passed away, I believe that he was bipolar. Months of manic activity followed by several years of low. Made life hard as a kid.

 

[venomballistics]

Thanks for all the replys. I didn't think my situation would generate so much interest.

dude ... every last one of us either walked that long road personally or at least seen why they have earned the name "bombshells" as they tore up a friends world.
We'd rather see a man bring a knife to a gun fight than hook up with one of those.
the gun fight is far more merciful

 

[Dan M]

I had a good friend of mine tell me after my 2nd divorce "Your picker is broke" LOL boy was he right.

My Theory

Humans are like Elk, They congregrate in huge herds and try and get along together as a group, But there always a few that just can't cut the grade of the group, and they are what we call culls.

I've come to figure out that If they are 30 or 40 or 50 and they are still available, there is a reason for it (this applies to men and women). Now dont get me wrong there are good people out there that dont deserve this tag next to their names but I have always looked hard when trying to figure out if my picker is still Broke.

my .02 cents

Devoted Bachelor

Dan

 

[three-five-seven]

I have been married and divorced. I see my ex years later (we have kids) and I am glad we are apart. She wailed on her 2nd husband (current) and has beaten him financially, emotionally and mentally. Too bad for him.

I also got back together last year for a brief time with a former love (she called me- WOW this great) and it certainly was not. If there are problems before they will only get magnified after marriage. Get over it and let God? put you together with the right one if its ever to be.

Life is too difficult at times why purposely add to lifes headaches. GEt a woman who will work with you and get along. In the meantime enjoy life and collect and shoot Smiths or whatever you like.