Common courtesy not so common these days.

[BLACKHAWKNJ]

I tell people given the choice between attending a wedding or a funeral I opt for the latter. You can show up without an invitation and still be welcomed. 2 years ago I attended the funeral of a woman I knew casually, they had a guest register that asked for name and address, I received a nice handwritten note from the woman's sister thanking me. Also 2 years ago I attended the funeral of the mother of 3 girls I knew in Junior High School-and hadn't seen or heard from in 60 years. A few months later I attended the memorial service for the middle sister, gave the youngest sister a card-she gave me a nice hug. Sent her a Christmas card, this past Christmas received one from her thanking me for "the love and support" I showed her family.
First thing on rising I turn on my laptop, so many of the letters to the advice columnists concern gifts
and assistance and courtesies not acknowledged, gift grabs at weddings.
One friend, tried to play the doting uncle to his niece, noted when her hormones started to kick in she became reserved and distant, bought her a very nice high school graduation present, her parents said they had to stand over to get her to write a thank you note . So he gave up on that relationship.
In my church the kids are expected to thank individually, either in writing or in person everyone who helps with their confirmation project.

 

[Golddollar]

I'm happy to say that my youngest first cousin is teaching her sons well. When her first son was born, I started sending him Eisenhower dollar coins as something special because we have the same birthday, just 66 years apart. When he got to be 4 years old, he was writing out his own thank you cards. And after his brother was born, I started sending Golden Dollars to him. And when he got to be 4 years old, he was writing out his own thank you cards too.

 

[GnarlsR2]

Wow... yeah... common courtesy must not be a big deal or even a thought in the minds of some members of the "younger generations".

I DO expect to get some kind of "acknowledgment" for something I do special for someone, and do a lot of special things for people. That was the way I raised. My Mother was the most generous and kind-hearted person I've ever known. I must have gotten some of her DNA.

I don't do special things for people because I need some kind of recognition, I do them because I would want the same from someone else when I'm in need.

I too have experienced being generous and courteous like sending greeting cards and I don't get even an acknowledgement that it was received. I think it hurts a little more when its a family member.

If it weren't for those LESS-caring people, we good-hearted caring people wouldn't go to heaven!

 

[sjmjax]

A favorite quote of mine:

Moving parts in rubbing contact require lubrication to avoid excessive wear. Honorifics and formal politeness provide lubrication where people rub together. Often the very young, the untravelled, the naive, the unsophisticated deplore these formalities as "empty," "meaningless," or "dishonest," and scorn to use them. No matter how "pure" their motives, they thereby throw sand into machinery that does not work too well at best.

Robert Heinlein

 

[Bald1]

Quick story, I have a nephew with the woe is me attitude. He feels like he’s entitled to something and all his problems are someone else’s fault. Nothing to do with his bad decisions. The first yr I had my cabin I allowed him and his dad to hunt there opening weekend. He wouldn’t do anything without being told. He was 30 yrs old. Not a kid. Well I told him he’s no longer welcome to hunt there or at my house where I have a couple stands. Fast forward 15 yrs and I thought he was getting better. My wife and I went to his wedding. We gave what we thought was a generous gift. No thank you card. No acknowledgment of any kind. Nor did anyone else receive any……… my sister (his mom) is a dumb ass. Literally dumb as a stump. He was never taught manners. And as an adult he never learned on his own……… I choose to teach my stepson manners just as I did with my 31 yr old son.

 

[fatcat3]

Have not had this happen to us. My grandchildren are of the same age as the OP's. Then years ago the Mrs. wasn't bashful about calling the children and reading them the riot act about not teaching their children manners. They didn't always like it, but they were smart enough to shut up about it. "Say what you want to me, but you will treat your mother with the respect she deserves. Never too big for an A** Whopping, even as I get older and have to use a 2X4 to start thing off." Never had to, not out of fear but out of respect.

 

[jculloden]

My Wife's grandson was still making a birthday list at twenty years old, and forget about Thank You

 

[65-2x2]

It is not just with young people either.

My gifts are freely given with no conditions or expectations.

But that does not excuse the receiver from not acknowledging your gift.

 

[djohns6]

I'm a Boomer . I taught my boys to say Sir and Ma'am . Thank you , etc. Acknowledging a gift IS an expectation in this family . It doesn't have to be a handwritten note or anything like that . A text message or a verbal thank you is fine .

 

[dockmurgw]

I’m no boomer. Gen X. Expressing gratitude and appreciation never goes out of style.

Well said.

 

[NYlakesider]

My kids were taught the correct way and did it. Unfornituely my sons adopted daughter was not. O well fecal matter happens!

A few years ago my sons best friend got married and being I consider him as my 3rd son, him/wife got a decent check from me. The day after they came back from their honeymoon he made the drive to my place and they personally came over to thank us for the gift.

 

[fatcat3]

Yet another dog whistle thread to summon vinegaroons for the sole purpose of denigrating younger generations because they don't do things the Boomer way.

We can do better.

Ohhhh give it a rest
This is what long timers do and always have done. They have earned the right. Doesn't matter if it's the last gen. talking about the next or "back when I joined the corps, army, football team..." There is no doubt in my mind way back in history Ug said " Back in my day we had to kill our Mammoths with a pointy stick, none of this flaked stone crap lashed to our spears. That was real hunting"
Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, cough, choke, gag, fire up another coffin nail, chuckle.

 

[Wickerboots]

I’m no boomer. Gen X. Expressing gratitude and appreciation never goes out of style.

True, however context could help you/us see where they are coming from and why.

Maybe you sat your kids down and threatened punishment or guilt tripping until all their thank you’s were sent? It could’ve been enough that they didn’t repeat the practice with their kids.

Do you communicate well with them or mostly talk about them behind their backs? As in your example of seeing if anyone else got a thank you note. Gossiping and the like is a bit like the polar opposite of what you silently (silent to them) expect of them.

Maybe next time include a stamped /addressed envelope and try to start conversation with them about gift. That would be an option for the social lubricant. I would hope you want communication with them from a loving place and not a familial obligation, if it’s just an obligation they are doing you both a favor.

While genuine gratitude and communication is great, forced is not. When it’s forced it’s not really gratitude or communication, might as well talk to a mirror and thank yourself at that point.

 

[Bald1]

True, however context could help you/us see where they are coming from and why.

Maybe you sat your kids down and threatened punishment or guilt tripping until all their thank you’s were sent? It could’ve been enough that they didn’t repeat the practice with their kids.

Do you communicate well with them or mostly talk about them behind their backs? As in your example of seeing if anyone else got a thank you note. Gossiping and the like is a bit like the polar opposite of what you silently (silent to them) expect of them.

Maybe next time include a stamped /addressed envelope and try to start conversation with them about gift. That would be an option for the social lubricant. I would hope you want communication with them from a loving place and not a familial obligation, if it’s just an obligation they are doing you both a favor.

While genuine gratitude and communication is great, forced is not. When it’s forced it’s not really gratitude or communication, might as well talk to a mirror and thank yourself at that point.

I’m not sure what you’re saying. I NEVER had to set my kids down and tell them anything. They didn’t need to be told. I set a proper example for them. And to be clear I’m referring to a nephew and friends of my stepson. As for gossip. I have 4 sisters. Asking one of them if they received a thank you is not gossip. It’s me simply trying to figure out if mine was perhaps lost. As to context, myself and my father ( uncle and grandfather) were the best male influences he had growing up. His father was a lazy dumbass. My father and I did A LOT for him growing up. At one point I loaned him money to buy a Ford 8N while he was waiting on his tax return. He thanked me. So I know he knows how. Which is worse than someone who doesn’t even think about it

 

[Rock185]

It's not boomer stuff. The attitude of entitlement is an indication of the coarsening of society. We consider a thank you common courtesy. We taught our kids to show appreciation for a kindness. Now years later as adults, they still do.