Do you hold a grudge or let it go? Or forgive but not forget?

[JOERM]

I have a tendency to let things go and move on. But yet keep an eye on the situation for future ref. There are some who once you get on their S*&^% list, your dust. I think there are a few on this site who are like that which is just fine by me. Just an observation.

Still, once someone does you a number, you cannot let your arms down again. They blew it. Then again, there are those who just messed up and did not mean to. It is easy to know who these folks are and you need to give em a break.

My boss, once you mess up with him, you best do it right from then on! I think I'm safe at this point.

Joe

 

[dlstewart01]

I have made it a life long policy to not hold a grudge or to not get even. I am happy, retired and in good health. I believe if you stay mad and worry all the time over someone else you are taking years from your life.

When I was in management I always went out of the way to be kind to the people who did not like me. It agravated them to death. I always did good things for the people who hated me for two reasions. 1, I did it for me and 2, I did it because it was the right thing to do.

 

[Pisgah]

Forgiveness is important -- not for the person you're forgiving, but for your own peace of mind. But forgetting is not only foolish, but it makes takes away the meaning of the forgiveness -- it's no longer forgiveness, it's just amnesia!

I always keep in mind an old saying -- "Before you set out for revenge, dig two graves" -- one for your enemy, one for yourself.

 

[JOERM]

Originally posted by Pisgah:
Forgiveness is important -- not for the person you're forgiving, but for your own peace of mind. But forgetting is not only foolish, but it makes takes away the meaning of the forgiveness -- it's no longer forgiveness, it's just amnesia!

I always keep in mind an old saying -- "Before you set out for revenge, dig two graves" -- one for your enemy, one for yourself.

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I liked that, thanks.

 

[K.38]

Pisgah, I couldn't have said it better.

Forgive but don't forget. If someone does me wrong on purpose I will never do business or associate with them again. But carrying a grudge does no good for anyone.

 

[2Loud4You]

It depends on the offense. Some yes, some HELL NO.

 

[therevjay]

Forgive yes. Forget no.

 

[mtgianni]

Originally posted by therevjay:
Forgive yes. Forget no.

IMO there is no difference between the two. I may remember not to trust someone but I am OK turning the forgiveness and forgetting over to a higher power.

 

[Spotteddog]

Option 3.

 

[Photog]

My mom never held a grudge as she believed that people would get their comuppance. This was illustrated to me by something that happened to her.
She was in her 70's at the time and she apparently did something to make a fellow driver mad. He proceeded to flip her off.
When she was in the grocery store later on, who happened to be behind her but the "flipper" so to speak.
The checker knew my mother well and there were several people behind the culprit and her. She turned to him and in a not so quiet voice asked him if his finger was better.
He looked at her with a puzzled look and asked what she was referring to. By this time people in the line and the checker were listening.
She told him the middle finger on his left hand, the one he was showing her as they were driving down the street a few minutes ago. She wanted to make sure he was all right.
The checker, and several other patrons just stared at the guy. Here is this guy, 6' plus in height and about 250, and my mom, 5'4" and about 100 lbs. He turned very red and started to stammer a bit.
She told the checker good bye and told the gent that she hoped his finger got better.
This happened about 10-12 years ago and the story was told at my mom's memorial service about 3 yrs ago.
She was right, people do get what is coming to them.

 

[beemerrider]

Forgiveness is important -- not for the person you're forgiving, but for your own peace of mind. But forgetting is not only foolish, but it makes takes away the meaning of the forgiveness -- it's no longer forgiveness, it's just amnesia!

I always keep in mind an old saying -- "Before you set out for revenge, dig two graves" -- one for your enemy, one for yourself.

Very well said by Pisgah. Carrying a resentment does more continuing damage to you "the victim"; the person who caused the problem has likeley forgotten about it. Better to put it behind you, quit dealing with that person if possible and pride yourself in being an upstanding individual.

 

[dennis40x]

I'll dislike with every fiber in my body till the day I die Lyndon Baines Johnson and Robert S McNamara. Other than those two usually let us simply agree to disagree and maintain a semblance of civility usually applies. On the other hand if it is some thing I deeply believe in we'll fight till hell freezes then we'll fight on the ice. Other wise I'll just let it go.

When our parents passed on my sisters divided among them selves what little our parents had at the exclusion of me. They were so embarrassed I suppose by their action that they didn't send Christmas cards for years. I basically feel sorry for them.

 

[arkypete]

To a degree I forget and forgive, but I always enjoy it when the individual gets their comeuppance. As they will.

Jim

 

[Memphis]

It cannot be said enough, unforgivness imprisons YOU!
He who angers you CONTROLS you. Now having said that, its easier said than done. Good thread.

Roger

 

[29Wheelgunner]

I can forgive and forget in most cases.
Then I think of Jane Fonda.
Forgive and forget, no.
Dwell on it, no, I've passed that.

I'm working to let things go that I cannot control.

 

[CAJUNLAWYER]

My dad once told me "who the gods seek to destroy, they first make angry". This has served me well over the years. Think about it.

I am also a great believer in the "what goes around, comes around" school of thought.

 

[HUGHP]

Originally posted by 29Wheelgunner:
I can forgive and forget in most cases.
Then I think of Jane Fonda.
Forgive and forget, no.
Dwell on it, no, I've passed that.

I'm working to let things go that I cannot control.

Plus 1,I've heard it said "I'll forgive Hanoi Jane after the Jews forgive Hitler"

 

[CAJUNLAWYER]

Originally posted by HUGHP:

Originally posted by 29Wheelgunner:
I can forgive and forget in most cases.
Then I think of Jane Fonda.
Forgive and forget, no.
Dwell on it, no, I've passed that.

I'm working to let things go that I cannot control.

Plus 1,I've heard it said "I'll forgive Hanoi Jane after the Jews forgive Hitler"

Just my point-do you honestly think Jane Fonda gives a royal &%^$ if you forgive her or not!!!
Ignoring is fine but your statement pretty much proves the point.

 

[ingmansinc]

The way I handle the issue in my sixty-three years of experience is not to be obsessive and seek revenge.

The mind is a wonderful thing that begins working the moment we are born and stops the moment we die, unless of course it is altered by an illness. Therefore forgetting is not an option.

It seems to me that forgiveness has its roots embedded in religion and merely reminds us to move on with our lives.

Revenge on the other hand will probably cause us more trouble than it is worth.

I personally let my feeling be known at the time of any offense and if I'm wrong hopefully the matter can be settled right then, quickly and completely.

 

[n4zov]

Forgiveness is important -- not for the person you're forgiving, but for your own peace of mind.

As a Christian, I am required to forgive no matter how difficult it might be or how long it takes. I have difficulty forgiving sometimes and it often takes a lot longer than it should, but I eventually get there!