Do you hold a grudge or let it go? Or forgive but not forget?

[NFrameFred]

I read all the posts so far and find my viewpoint not represented, so . . .

I believe through my faith that I am required to forgive. Doesn't mean I have it in me or that I'll be OK with it for a while, just that I make a conscious decision to turn it over to the Lord, Who will give me the capacity to experience the forgiveness and make it real in His own time. All He requires is that I be willing and wanting of it.

As far as forgetting, that's not possible in the literal sense, for the most part. I've had people tell me "if you can't forget it you haven't forgiven it". I respectfully disagree.

I wish people would say what they mean, for I believe they are really saying "don't dwell on it or keep revisiting it in anger, or throwing it up to the offending party" . All well and good, but that isn't the same as "forgetting". We have a memory to serve to remind and teach us to avoid mistakes and harsh lessons learned. My view is that in the real sense truly forgetting (as someone has already said) would be amnesia, not forgiveness.

I don't hold a grudge, but in the same sense I will not put my hand back on a hot stove eye again after experiencing the first time if I have good sense. In the human sense we are speaking of reconciliation. Someone who seeks our forgiveness for something they have wronged us with needs to truly repent ( to be truly sorry for the offense and determine not to do it again), apologize, and do whatever they can to repair the damaged relationship. Too many times our shame, embarrassment, selfishness and pride hold us back from acknowledging our wrongs and trying to make amends.

Some people need to hold onto that anger and resentment and nurse a grudge. The only ones they hurt, though, are themselves and those who love them.

 

[BarbC]

I don't like to hold a grudge so I take care of the matter ASAP. Then I can let it go.

 

[wbraswell]

I have made it a life long policy to not hold a grudge or to not get even. I am happy, retired and in good health. I believe if you stay mad and worry all the time over someone else you are taking years from your life.

When I was in management I always went out of the way to be kind to the people who did not like me. It agravated them to death. I always did good things for the people who hated me for two reasions. 1, I did it for me and 2, I did it because it was the right thing to do.

distewart01, I feel that you really know how to live life. I couldn't agree more.

 

[BE Mike]

I don't just hold a grudge, I dwell on it, and savor it. I only do this when I've been intentionally wronged. I forgive my friends and close family, but they don't ever do things to me that I can see are intentional. I don't forget either. Sometimes I'll remember incidents from decades past and become reignited with anger. I usually don't try to get revenge, but given an opportunity laid in my lap, I'm not above it.

I know that this isn't right and isn't the best thing for me, but it is just part of my personality. I try to let go, but it is something I still need to work on. I ain't perfect, just forgiven.

 

[scoutsdad]

I truly believe in Karma, but not the gun belt kind I am getting from Lucky Derby.

I never hold a grudge, knowing that the Universe will dish out the just punishment to the perp.

Si I let it go and let Spirit do it's thing.

 

[M29since14]

Interesting topic, and one I have given a lot of thought, for what that's worth.

I think that in very grave matters, forgiveness does not occur without some type of reconciliation, and in those cases, reconciliation does not occur without the desire for it of both parties. Therefore, to the grief of the one who may truly desire it, forgiveness may not be possible in this world. Sometimes the rift is just too deep for the other party to cooperate. It exceeds that person's human abilities. I think, in those cases, God settles for our sincere desire to forgive and move on, since it is the best we can do. To that extent, I do not agree that lack of reconciliation and forgiveness is always seriously destructive.

Remembering and holding grudges are two completely different things. I don't think God grants any extenuation to those who actively hold grudges, but remembering and adjusting one's behavior to avoid future problems is not the same, at all.

 

[ChuckS1]

Don't get even...get back.

 

[Snapping Twig]

Those who ignore history are bound to repeat it.

 

[kennyb]

Originally posted by Photog:
My mom never held a grudge as she believed that people would get their comuppance. This was illustrated to me by something that happened to her.
She was in her 70's at the time and she apparently did something to make a fellow driver mad. He proceeded to flip her off.
When she was in the grocery store later on, who happened to be behind her but the "flipper" so to speak.
The checker knew my mother well and there were several people behind the culprit and her. She turned to him and in a not so quiet voice asked him if his finger was better.
He looked at her with a puzzled look and asked what she was referring to. By this time people in the line and the checker were listening.
She told him the middle finger on his left hand, the one he was showing her as they were driving down the street a few minutes ago. She wanted to make sure he was all right.
The checker, and several other patrons just stared at the guy. Here is this guy, 6' plus in height and about 250, and my mom, 5'4" and about 100 lbs. He turned very red and started to stammer a bit.
She told the checker good bye and told the gent that she hoped his finger got better.
This happened about 10-12 years ago and the story was told at my mom's memorial service about 3 yrs ago.
She was right, people do get what is coming to them.

***** this is excellent!thanks for sharing*****

 

[JOERM]

Originally posted by CAJUNLAWYER:
My dad once told me "who the gods seek to destroy, they first make angry". This has served me well over the years. Think about it.

.

Thanks for sharing that,and I thought about it and will never forget it and it will serve me well too. Joe

 

[Grayfox]

I don't hold grudges. I can forgive, but never forget.
I believe in the saying "Time wounds all heels." Sooner or later that person will get what's coming to them. The best part is that they usually end up doing it to themselves.

Be kind to your enemies,
it drives them nuts!

 

[Marshall 357]

I like to just move on with life.We all do stupid things sometimes and its part of life.Forgive and forget.

 

[ImprovedModel56Fan]

Forgive? Not exactly. But I recognize that I don't know everything or understand everything, and that what may appear to me to be a grievous wrong could perhaps be construed otherwise. Better let whatever incident troubles me trouble somebody else, instead.

Forget? I hope not. There is a lesson or two from LBJ and McNamara, and we forget them at our own peril. I am now too old to have it make any direct difference to me, but the lessons are still there.

 

[cmort666]

Depends.

I don't hold grudges for minor slights. It's too much effort.

On the other hand, if you intentionally harm me, it's on.

If you intentionally harm me and I think you're going to be detrimental to other people in the future, find another planet. You're not going to enjoy the rest of your stay on this one. If you're a cop and you intentionally violate my rights, to paraphrase Wilford Brimley in "Absence of Malice", "Have you considered what you might do if you were no longer in law enforcement?"

There used to be a guy in usenet. He was a WAAAAY far left, hysterically anti-gun, racist nutjob. He used to do things like contact people's employers because he didn't like what they posted to usenet. Along with humiliating him on a regular basis, I collected a large stock of embarrassing quotes from him. Every time he'd pop up in some new newsgroup, I'd be right there with a choice selection of his racist and misogynistic quotes as well as his real name and long list of aliases. I actually ran him out of usenet to The Huffington Post where criticism of him can be stifled.

 

[ladder13]

Some here can't seem to let go of the fact they love NY so much.

 

[Duke426]

Like cmort666 said, it depends on the severity of the infraction.

Generally, I prefer to deal with the issue directly and be done with it. No dredging it up in the future.

However, if the situation is bad enough, the offender can be considered dead to me. I have a brother-in-law that beat and choked my sister-in-law. He has also caused other turmoil in our lives. She took him back. He shows no contrition. The rest of the family is kinda pretending it never happened. As far as I am concerned he is dead to me.

 

[Big Rich]

It depends on the situation. If I can forget it, it was really no big deal, and I bear no grudges.
I have forgiven my 'father' for the wrongs done to my mother, my oldeer sister, and to myself. That being said, have I forgotten them? No, and I never will. Some hurts run to the very core of a person. I simply have nothing to do with him. I'm much happier that way, and mentally healthier, too.

 

[Bullet Bob]

I try to forgive.

I can forget most wrongs, except, of course, the War of Northern Aggression

 

[SmithEC]

Holding a grudge is like drinking rat poison, then waiting for the rat to die.

I couldn't be bothered with holding grudges. It's simply not worth it.


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[BLACKHAWKNJ]

Revenge IS a dish that is best served cold. I waited for years to get back at someone who wronged, when I struck it was like a bolt from the blue.