Do you hold a grudge or let it go? Or forgive but not forget?

[bmhiii]

I don't hold grudges, too few brain cycles left to waste them on negative thoughts. On the other hand, if I want to get even (not in a malicious way) with someone who has slighted me, I make a small mental note and wait. Sooner or later an opportunity will present itself to repay and I'd be remiss if I didn't exercise that opportunity.

 

[jag312]

I don't forgive, I don't forget, and I don't take prisoners.

 

[Gun-runner]

Originally posted by therevjay:
Forgive yes. Forget no.

Same here. I can forgive but will never forget. If you forget you will never learn!

 

[Gun-runner]

Originally posted by CAJUNLAWYER:
My dad once told me "who the gods seek to destroy, they first make angry". This has served me well over the years. Think about it.

I am also a great believer in the "what goes around, comes around" school of thought.

It's the circle of life. If you give someone the "shaft" you will be the "catcher" of that shaft someday!

 

[NFrameFred]

I'm saddened at some of the responses I see, though I'm not surprised. Some cuts run so deep they will never fully heal, and it is difficult to let it go when you are an innocent victim.

But the Word teaches that in some ways we will be forgiven by the measure of forgiveness we extend and judged by the standard we use to judge others. I personally think a lot of that has to do with what we celebrate or suffer in this present life.

I try to do right by people and realize I still need all the forgiveness I can get.

 

[Raider]

I have just one question:

If someone completely destroys your life and your future, your way of making a living in an irrecoverable manner, and if that same destroyer prospers greatly solely because of the help and mentoring that you gave them long before they destroyed you, do you still forgive?

Please think carefully before answering.

 

[mohavesam]

One fact rings true:
Life is short enough. Stress will shorten your life on this earth.

I think that when you take revenge on someone, somebody will notice. But when you forgive someone their trespasses, EVERYONE will notice.
Be a teacher. In all things, be generous.

 

[M29since14]

I have just one question:

If someone completely destroys your life and your future, your way of making a living in an irrecoverable manner, and if that same destroyer prospers greatly solely because of the help and mentoring that you gave them long before they destroyed you, do you still forgive?

Please think carefully before answering.

My answer:

Sometimes the rift is just too deep for the other party to cooperate. It exceeds that person's human abilities. I think, in those cases, God settles for our sincere desire to forgive and move on, since it is the best we can do.

Think about it, and good luck.

 

[Raider]

This happpened to someone, a long time friend, who is closer to me than my brother. He says that his life is a living hell because of this and he has completely given up on life. There is nothing that I can say or do that can help. His comment to me is that unless it happened to me personally that I cannot understand. He probably is right.

 

[cmort666]

Originally posted by Raider:
I have just one question:

If someone completely destroys your life and your future, your way of making a living in an irrecoverable manner, and if that same destroyer prospers greatly solely because of the help and mentoring that you gave them long before they destroyed you, do you still forgive?

Please think carefully before answering.

For my answer, watch the movie "Thief" with James Caan.

There's some good work with an M1911 in it too!

 

[chriske]

I neither forgive nor forget.
Ever.
Neither do I hold/maintain a grudge : that just takes too much time,effort & energy. Getting even requires even more.People who "done me wrong" seriously enough, don't deserve that.
I erase them from my world. I don't just ignore them, I'm not even conscious they ever even actually existed.
Weird ? Works for me.

 

[cmort666]

Originally posted by mohavesam:
One fact rings true:
Life is short enough. Stress will shorten your life on this earth.

I think that when you take revenge on someone, somebody will notice. But when you forgive someone their trespasses, EVERYONE will notice.
Be a teacher. In all things, be generous.

1. I want to the culprit to notice. That's enough.

2. When you allow yourself to be a victim, everybody does notice... especially those who would also like to make you a victim.

 

[cmort666]

Originally posted by NFrameFred:
But the Word teaches that in some ways we will be forgiven by the measure of forgiveness we extend and judged by the standard we use to judge others. I personally think a lot of that has to do with what we celebrate or suffer in this present life.

There is no more effective way to victimize someone than to convince them that some "higher power" wants them to be complicit in their own victimization. It's always easier to exploit somebody when they do all of the work for you.

 

[NFrameFred]

Originally posted by cmort666:

Originally posted by NFrameFred:
But the Word teaches that in some ways we will be forgiven by the measure of forgiveness we extend and judged by the standard we use to judge others. I personally think a lot of that has to do with what we celebrate or suffer in this present life.

There is no more effective way to victimize someone than to convince them that some "higher power" wants them to be complicit in their own victimization. It's always easier to exploit somebody when they do all of the work for you.

 

[dlstewart01]

This would be something to think about.

NFrameFred, I believe you kinda mentioned this.

Matthew 6:14-16
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. (NIV)

 

[WHO CARES]

I offer a fair measure of respect to all people I meet and continue to build on that until experience with them dictates otherwise. What I offer of myself will depend on what they offer of themself. I form an opinion of them based on their actions and respond accordingly. I do not dwell on them or worry about them. I learn to recognize the asxxxles and avoid them when possible. How did Hepburn say it....I don't hate the skunk, I simply do not enjoy his odor.

 

[cmort666]

Originally posted by dlstewart01:
This would be something to think about.

NFrameFred, I believe you kinda mentioned this.

Matthew 6:14-16
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. (NIV)

If you're religious. Otherwise, not so much.

That's a choice you have to make. I made mine.

 

[M29since14]

He says that his life is a living hell because of this and he has completely given up on life.

His life is a living Hell because he is allowing it to be. Remind him of Lincoln: "I reckon a man can be as happy as he makes up his mind to be." (approximately)

If he is free and clear of the other person he thinks caused his grief (i.e, there is a point of closure), it is likely the other party has gone on with his life and is oblivious to your friend's distress. Sometimes you have to just accept what you have left and get busy making the best of it. If your friend really feels as he describes and a certain amount of time has passed, maybe a year, or even two, he probably needs some help doing this. Friends can sometimes be just as effective as professionals, IMHO.

The thought that no one can sympathize who has not endured the same certainly seems real when it is happening to you, but at some point you still have to take the steps that are in your own best interest and channel your energy into something productive, something that is to your benefit.

This is all common sense and is true whether you believe in a Devine Power, or not.

 

[NFrameFred]

The idea that we are somehow "entitled" to be mad at the world is indeed based on a consuming preoccupation with self.

"No one knows how it feels until it happens to them". True enough on the surface, but (to me at least) it's a cop out.

People lose loved ones, get fired, get divorced, get cheated on and struggle with debt, sickness, infirmity and disease by the millions every day - that's called "life". No one gets out alive and no one is immune from the bad stuff that happens while we inhabit this planet. One can be pre-occupied with self to exclusion of all else or determine to make the best out of what life offers. We are responsible for our own choices.

If you want, you can choose to believe you are the end-all-be-all and nothing or no one else is as important as what you want and what you feel. That's your choice and (at least most places) you have the freedom to do that. You'll have plenty of time to stew over your troubles, because nobody enjoys being around those people or wants to spend any more time around them than they have to.

And my last comment on this part of it has do with being "religious". The simple truth is you can be very 'religious' and still miss out on the Truth. And one can deny the Truth, but that doesn't make it non-existent or negate the fact that one day we all will have to deal with it.

We're all human, flawed and have our foibles and weaknesses. How we deal with that in relation to those around us defines who and what we are. Or to put it another way, I was once told "Life is grindstone - whether it grinds you down or polishes you up depends on what you're made of". Pretty well sums it up, in my book.

 

[cmort666]

Originally posted by NFrameFred:
The idea that we are somehow "entitled" to be mad at the world is indeed based on a consuming preoccupation with self.

I have an ABSOLUTE right to be "mad at the world". It's my ways of EXPRESSING that anger which are subject to limitation.

I'm perfectly free to withdraw, to be harsh, to be rude, to sit in the closet and cry, etc. You have NO right to interfere.

If however, I express my dissatisfaction by beating my wife or strangers, stealing, setting fires, shooting people, planting bombs, etc., others have the right to defend themselves and society from me, up to and including shooting me in the head.