But what about the times when it isn't? I feel like actual dialogue can't be had when the only focus is on the shooter.
This sword cuts both ways. In any accuracy discussion both parts of the equation must be looked at or the result has no real value. No meaningful result will be achieved if the discussion is only about the gun.
The shooter and the gun make up a system. The system has an overall accuracy that is made up of the parts of that system.
The gun has an effect and the shooter has an effect. There are more parts to that system, but these are the main contributing factors. So, the gun and shooter must be tested separately to determine how much affect each part has. This will tell you what part of the system needs to be worked on most.
Because the gun is made up of many parts, including ammo, it won't send every round through the same hole. Tiny imperfections in lock up, bore diameter vs bullet diameter, how precise the sights are, trigger consistency and a host of other things, all play into the accuracy of the gun. If you could lock it in cement so it couldn't move, it still won't put every round through the same hole.
People are also made up of lots of parts. Stamina is a factor as is state of mind. Gun fit determines how easy it is to reach the trigger. Did we have caffeine that day? One hand or two? Believe it or not, some people shoot better with one hand. All of these things factor into accuracy.
Put these two things together, gun and person, and you have thousands of parts that all contribute to error.
So don't get upset when someone asks you to shoot from a rest. It's just an attempt to eliminate one part of the system. It's not an attack on the shooter's experience or ability. Who knows, you might discover that the error is mostly the gun.
We will never know what problem there was, if any, with that gun because it's gone. In the future though, if you really want to know what your guns are capable of, learn to shoot from a rest. My experience is that the results are generally satisfying for the shooter.