Funeral expense question

[mwtdvm]

Caj

I am very surprised that no one has offered this novel solution...

A Septic Tank!!!!

I has a few holes to mortar up but I bet you could get a real bargain especially if it was "Nearly new". Might have to fold you up a bit but you wouldn't care

 

[rburg]

I guess my oldest has his instructions. "Just dispose of the body". But of course he won't, he'll need to give in to the wishes of others. They probably already have a plan to disregard my wishes. I certainly don't want a visitation with everyone walking past and saying how lifelike I look. Because I won't, I'll be dead.

So I'll want the Edward Abbey plan. Everyone in the stupid Federal Government was sure his followers/friends were going to plant him in Arches National Park. A big place, with remote area's they'd never find him. And of course his friends knew where to put him, and how to fake out the Feds.

My wish is to be dumped out in Hells Revenge, also a large and barren area just east of Moab, UT. What he'll do is illegal as all get out, He'll just dump my remains on a petrified sand dune and leave. Sure, they won't all blow away. And if the local coroner finds them, or someone does and turns my ashes and solid parts in, they can just investigate till hell freezes over. I'll be dead and I won't care.

 

[THEWELSHM]

Wow a lot of replies on this one.... When I lost my 19 year old as a murder victim in 2010, I had to make a lot of decisions and it seemed real fast? We chose our son to be buried in a sealed casket in a concrete vault. His Mom was real concerned that the weather, bugs etc were going to mess with him? I didn't have the heart to say " it doesn't matter our body is just a tent and when our life passes it is what it is" But to this day we lay flowers and enjoy the time.....our boy is well protected from the elements.


thewelshm

 

[skeetshooter]

Years ago I was given the business card of a Funeral Director and at the bottom it stated "We are the last ones to let you down"
Apologies form the Hi-Jack.

 

[THEWELSHM]

getting back to the original question I paid $13k for a double next to my son for my wife and I.

thewelshm

 

[shouldazagged]

John Prine is my funeral planner.

Works for me.

 

[Frank46]

We bought our plots in Pinelawn cemetary in Long Island NY many years ago. And they require the vault liner. Actually have two double plots but in different places at Pinelawn. Since living now in Louisiana my wife has considered getting a double plot locally at one of the places where they put the casket in a slot in a wall. Really don't know what they call them. So then comes the question of how to get the casket from Louisiana to Pinelawn on Long Island. Easy, the Long Island railroad has a siding right on the cemetary property. doesn't make much difference where I'll be buried as I won't be in any condition to care. Frank

 

[LVSteve]

There is a very dark little doggerel on being buried that we used to sing as kids in England. I won't go into details but for sure no sealed caskets or vaults were involved.

Caj, as for the the cost and complexity of a modern burial, what you were quoted is about the minimum around here or maybe even a bit less. I've dealt with this twice since 2008 and was lucky to pay under $15k for each the way things kept adding up. The requirement for vaults and the ground not sinking seems to be pretty universal around the US. If you visit an old graveyard in the UK it's like then surface of the Moon where the ground has sunk in some places and not other.

As for other costs, the US seems obsessed with viewings and embalming in the a way I still cannot get my head around. I think it's more of a Southern Europe thing. I had never been to an open casket funeral until I came to the US. I've even seen TV shows where horror is expressed because "he/she had to go in a closed casket".

The only reason my late wife had such a funeral was because it was expected by the rest of the family. Frankly, I found the spectacle of her there with obvious signs of her illness for all to see rather offensive. The funeral directors had done their best, but were unable to hide certain things. More than one of our friends chose not to pass the open casket, preferring to remember her as she had been before she was sick or even as they last saw her when she was in skilled nursing. They also found the dressing her up false.

Me, I wanted to be cremated then dumped from the bomb bay of something suitable over the part of the desert wildlife range covered by Nellis. Get lots of peace and quiet up there. However, my wife's wishes were for us to be buried together so that's what likely will happen. I'm paying for the plot every month right now.

 

[2hawk]

You know, I saw the tannerite thread, and thought, well, there you go- get cremated, have your shooting buddies mix up some tannerite with your ashes, and BOOM you're scattered to the four winds and at one with the universe, all while leaving a big smile on someone's face.

I may have to change my will....

 

[Robotech]

You might want to do a search on "natural burial". This IS allowed in some areas, with the intention that the body is allowed to decompose, and any coffin is also biodegradable, with no vault used. Such cemeteries are likely to be more wild, rather than manicured lawns, so subsidence isn't a real problem.

I was exploring the cemetery next to my hotel in Pennsylvania awhile back, with graves going back to at least the early 1800's. Yes, the ground was "less even" in the older sections, though I think some of the areas had had some additional fill put in over the years. What was particularly noticeable was that there was a certain "odor" in a few places, that turned out to be burrows where some animals, probably woodchucks, had dug down to the burial. Along with the freshly dug earth was bits of old cloth, and in one case, bone.

So, if you are going to be buried, if there isn't a grave liner or vault, you might want to seriously consider a corrosion resistant steel coffin rather than one made of wood, unless you don't mind the idea of bunking with our furry friends eventually.

My parents were both WWII veterans, so when Dad died he qualified for a spot in the local National cemetery. A veteran in her own right, a niche has been reserved for Mom next to Dad. If she hadn't been a vet, she could be put in the same niche in the columbarium with him. We chose the columbarium rather than a burial out on one of the lawns because it was a much prettier and calmer area, with a nice view over the lake, rather than being in the middle of a whole bunch of uniform and too tightly spaced headstones.

In the attached photo, the niche panels shown haven't been engraved yet, hence the tags. A month later, almost that entire wall was filled, mostly with WWII and Korean War vets.

 

[imashooter2]

You're a lawyer. Start the negotiations at $2,500 and let them counter.

 

[blujax01]

My brother was a well-liked competition skydiver with over five thousand jumps to his credit. When he passed, his remains were cremated and strewn above Perris Air field during a 30-way skydive. Skydivers came from all over the country to participate and practiced the formation for hours on the ground before ascending in the late afternoon. Then everyone got drunk and told stories about him during what turned into a "Roast". It was a beautiful ceremony, one I will never forget.

 

[BearBio]

I don't care. My wife and I collect the remains of all the dogs. When I go, I have a cardboard box (actually, I guess it's a fibreboard coffin) in which I will be cremated. She will mix my ashes with the dogs (and hers, if she wishes. She has indicated she does) and they'll all be scattered. Cost was about $250 per person, I think.

 

[dougb1946]

Father-in-law had it all planned and paid for. Cremation, remains planted in one of 6 plots he owned in the family home town cemetery. Don't know what he planned for the son and daughter in laws. Not enough plots.
Two grave diggers came out in a pickup, dug a post hole about 4 ft deep, collected $300 for their efforts. Apparently fences are the bargain rate, and burial holes are the quality thing.
Had my hunting dog cremated. I'll dig my own hole for her. I have a good post hole digger. Hand powered.

 

[LoboGunLeather]

Funeral homes are businesses. Those in the business, and their employees, do their best to maximize the profitability of every transaction.

Many people seem willing to spend far more on funeral arrangements for a departed family member than they would have ever thought of spending on that persons during life. Regret, guilt, love, or just keeping up appearances in the community may be factors.

Some of the laws regulating the disposal of human remains are sensible public health precautions. Some are intended to maintain public order and decorum. Some came about as a result of lobbying efforts of the funeral industry to require by law certain services that enhance profits.

There may be alternatives available, depending on location. I know of funeral homes that offer the use of fancy coffins during the memorial service, viewing, etc, then less expensive alternatives for interment. I know of a company that sells coffins to the general public at prices far below what might be charged by a funeral home.

The use of hearses or ambulances to remove human remains is another thing worth considering. In many (most?) areas there is no legal requirement to use such services; once the family has the death certificate in hand they may choose just about any method they wish for transporting the remains to the final destination.

My mother passed away while I was in Vietnam. It took me several days to get home on emergency leave, during which several of her family members chose everything from a very expensive coffin, embalming services, air transport halfway across the country to her home town, funeral home services, grave site, etc. All of the bills came to me as executor of the estate (several even sent the bills for flowers they ordered for the funeral). Expenses totalled more than her modest estate, so my brothers and I were stuck with the balance, in addition to having to settle an estate in one state and deal with everything else halfway across the country.

I don't plan on putting my survivors in such a situation. Instructions are clear and concise, in writing, and known to all my family members. Any questions or concerns can be dealt with as easily as saying "this is what he decided".

 

[T.L.R.]

Funeral cost can vary considerably from State to State.

Here in Wisconsin, a small country cemetary 1/2mile down the road from me charges $450. per lot. Another country cemetary 5 miles away charges $800. per lot. Any casket can be used in our state. A 3 X 6 pine box that you can roughly build youself can be used, HOWEVER, all caskets must be buried inside a cement vault, AT LEAST 6ft deep. State law. You would have to hire an excavator to dig the vault hole which around here runs $500. or more. The only exception is if the deceased has been cremated, No cement vault required for the urn here. The hole for the urn placement can be dug by any family member. They want it deep enough so 1 foot of soil will cover the urn, though. My Sister and her husband were buried that way. All funerals have to be conducted through a State licenced funeral home.
In the case of cremation, as stated by others, what you do with the urn and ashes is your choice. My mother-in-law keeps the urns of her husband and son on the fireplace mantle. Cost for Cremation here runs $2000. - $7000. depending on which funeral home you use.Conventional funerals run $8,000. on up. Not all funeral homes have "in-house" cremation facilities, but all will accomodate by having the deceased sent to other licensed crematories.
The only thing bad about the cremation process is none of your friends have any public memorial to go visit so they can "talk" to you, (don't think I would be doing any "talking back", though), unless your urn is buried at a cemetary with a marker or hearstone. But then this sort of thing doesn't happen much anymore, so not a big issue.

Cremation seems like a very "cold" thing to do to someone you love, and I do not endorse it. I know I can't cremate my Wife if she goes before me, even though cremation is what she wants.

Heres a few Bible verses that might ease the pain of cremation for you. Ecclesiastes 12 v:7 , Genisus 3 v:19 , Revelation 20 v:13. Job 4 v:15. Daniel 12 v: 2 (King James Version).

 

[Salty RI]

Father-in-law had it all planned and paid for. Cremation, remains planted in one of 6 plots he owned in the family home town cemetery. Don't know what he planned for the son and daughter in laws. Not enough plots.
Two grave diggers came out in a pickup, dug a post hole about 4 ft deep, collected $300 for their efforts. Apparently fences are the bargain rate, and burial holes are the quality thing.
Had my hunting dog cremated. I'll dig my own hole for her. I have a good post hole digger. Hand powered.

When my daughter passed away, it will be 24 yrs next month, she wanted to have a stone, that she picked out herself, in order to have a stone we had to buy 6 plots, if you get creamated you can put two to a plot, you can check with that cemetary to see if you can do the same.

 

[PA Reb]

This isn't a thread hijack attempt but I would strongly suggest being leery of a "paid before you go" funeral or to at least have someone you trust look after things when you're gone. I am an avid "amateur genealogist" that spends quite a few days in local cemeteries searching for the burial sites of past family members. On one such visit a few years ago to a rather large cemetery, I was walking down one of the roads and came across an open grave. Out of curiosity, I stopped for a minute to take a look in the hole and to my surprise saw a casket sitting at the bottom - no grave workers or anyone in sight, no vault, no liner, just the casket in the hole. Being the grandson of a former undertaker, embalmer and funeral home director, I had a feeling something was wrong and decided to hang around the area for a while. It wasn't long until the crew came back from lunch (I assume that's where they were at), got out of their trucks and started filling in the hole. I really couldn't believe what I was seeing and hearing as I could see what they were doing and I could hear the rocks dinging off of the metal casket. Not wanting a confrontation with six young men a lot bigger than me in a large cemetery, I left and went back the next day to see if I could get a name, which I did from the temporary marker. Upon retrieving the deceased's information from the newspaper, I then called the cemetery office and told them what I saw happen. Despite my eyewitness statement, I was told I was mistaken and hung up on. It took me several haunted days to finally realize my only option was to contact a member of the family and tell them the story as gently as I could. To make an even longer story shorter, the grave was re-opened, people were cited, the lady got a new casket along with the vault they had originally paid for and I felt much better about my life! That's why I said to have someone you trust see to it that you or your loved one gets what you paid for.

 

[vigil617]

Well, after receiving many answers and a nice PM I shall rethink my tone in the original post.
Might be easier just to get cremated and then have the boy rent a post hole auger drill down 5-6 feet and just plop old dad down the hole.

<sigh> I might as well end up in the hole, too, when my dyin' time comes along.

Seein' as how I've spent most of my livin' time in one also.

 

[RYNO]

Here's a good reason for concrete liners..

This was posted on a fishing forum recently, caught near on old Indian burial ground that has since been flooded over for a lake.