PUTDOWNS!

[Kevin J.]

These are all great. Unfortunately I often suffer from the wit of the staircase.

L'esprit d'escalier, a phrase coined in the 18th century by Denis Diderot, means, in literal translation, staircase wit. It denotes those missed opportunities for a dazzling riposte, a charming bit of repartee, that occur too late—only, as it were, on the staircase as one is departing.

 

[Mule Packer]

DELETED

(Sometimes discretion is the better part of valor.)

 

[Kevin J.]

Come on Mule Packer….now we really want to know .

 

[muddocktor]

DELETED

(Sometimes discretion is the better part of valor.)

You do know that the mods can see what was posted previously, right? If it were something that transgresses the rules, they will probably privately let you know that you were a good boy by editing yourself.

 

[Doug M.]

I spoke with a guy I met at a restaurant the other day. He told me he was celebrating his 11th wedding anniversary.

I replied: "That's amazing - eleven weddings! You think you would have learned after the first few!!!"

*
When I worked for my in-laws' trucking company, we had a driver who had been married 7 times, including the same woman twice. I told he should go to Bandag (tire re-capping) rather than a preacher.

I have to be careful here lest my real self show. When I am annoyed with someone, my responses sound like a combination of R. Lee Ermey and Samuel L. Jackson.

I do recall watching some A-H act like an A-H in a business and get removed. My suggestion that it was hard to believe that we had seen the best of million caused some looks.

 

[Nevada Ed]

You do know that the mods can see what was posted previously, right? If it were something that transgresses the rules, they will probably privately let you know that you were a good boy by editing yourself.

Whoa Nellie..............

your not getting me to jump up in the saddle on this one !!

I just got out of jail a little bit ago !!

 

[quikdraw67]

I could post a good one referring to female anatomy and exes, but I really don't want to get dinged.

 

[mtgianni]

Jackie Gleason's character in Smokey and the Bandit "If your brain was in an ant, it would rattle like a bb in a 55 gallon barrel". I always like that one.

 

[tops]

There was a young girl working in a restaurant that we would eat when working on that side of town. I use "sir and mam" with "no and yes" and this young waitress told me to quit using mam when talking to her because I was old enough to be her dad. I asked what her mamas name was. After that she would take my order and was friendly to the rest of the crew but it was evident she wished I wasn't there. Bless her heart. Larry

 

[kmyers]

Having you around is like losing two good men.

What you lack in intelligence you double up on with stupidity.

You are as dangerous as a drunk hillbilly with a credit card.

 

[yaktamer]

One of my favorites is the guy who has only been married once introducing his spouse as "My current wife."

 

[BC38]

One of my absolute favorite put-downs is in the scene in a bar in the film Good Will Hunting where Will tells the big-mouth Harvard guy that he dropped 150 grand on an education he could have gotten for $1.50 in late charges at the public library.

And some classics:
Lady Astor: "Mr. Churchill, if I were your wife, I'd poison your tea."
Mr. Churchill: "Madame, if you were my wife, I'd drink it."

George Bernard Shaw, to Winston Churchill:"I'm enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play. Bring a friend....if you have one."

Mr. Churchill's reply: "Cannot attend the first night, will attend the second.....if there is one."

Another Churchill classic
Lady Astor: "YOU sir are DRUNK!"
Churchill: "Yes madame I am, but YOU are UGLY - and tomorrow I shall be sober!"

 

[Bekeart]

I see you know my lady friend's family ...

You are as dangerous as a drunk hillbilly with a credit card.

I see you know my lady friend's family ... and their bankruptcies

Bekeart

 

[Rudi]

Were you born this stupid, or did you have to work at it?

 

[Kevin J.]

One of my favorites is the guy who has only been married once introducing his spouse as "My current wife."

Or “first wife” …. Especially when introducing her to a pretty younger woman. So I have heard