Since this was directed at me, I guess I should respond.
Reading your rant shows that you have a general disdain for anyone who practices defending themselves. That's a shame because it also shows that you know little about martial skill. So, let's start with this erroneous statement:
There's a reason martial arts are known as arts.
This can only mean that you think martial arts are something to look at and be entertained by, but have no real fighting value. While they are entertaining, don't make the mistake of thinking a practitioner isn't skilled in fighting. Look at both words:
mar·tial
adjective
-of or appropriate to war; warlike.
art
noun
-a skill at doing a specified thing, typically one acquired through practice.
Yes, art is something visual, but in this case it is the skill that is being referenced, not the visual aspect.
There are only three types of martial arts schools in the world:
Traditional/Historical
Here they teach whatever was taught 2,000 years ago whether it works or not. Their goal is preservation of the teaching and remembering their roots.
Sport
Here they teach how to fight in the ring, cage or any competition. The goal is to beat an opponent in a controlled match. They fight for points or submissions (a knock out is a kid of submission).
Self-Defense
Here they teach how to defend against an attack. In this school they look at the larger picture because on the street there are no points. Your only goal is to walk away.
Any school you walk into will contain aspects of all three, but each school will focus on one aspect more than the others. If you want to learn to defend yourself, find a school that focuses on self-defense. Learning to effectively defend yourself will involve pain. That's just a simple truth. This is why the vast majority of martial arts schools don't work on real self-defense; they'll lose students.
Yes, size matters, action is faster than reaction and the best fight is no fight. These are all concepts we teach at my school. Not all schools are the same. Maybe you just haven't met enough martial artists?
The same applies to guns. Not all are the same. Revolvers are not better than semi-autos, they're different. Thank God we have both available to us.