Stupid stuff people say to LE

The traffic stop one above reminded me of classic that got written up in a Pittsburgh paper deep in the last century. State trooper in a marked cruiser pulls up to a 4 way stop intersection and watches a guy in a tricked out pickup blow his stop sign. Trooper pulls him over and writes the violation.

PU driver: why aren't you out chasing real criminals?

Trooper looks the truck over and asks for the keys, returns to his ride for the inspection code and a tape measure. Writes citations for excessively jacked up, tires outside the body work, modified exhaust, lighting violations etc. Violations totaled around $5K.

PU driver says: but I just passed state inspection. Had the paper to prove it.

Trooper pulled the plates and had the truck towed (unsafe to drive on the highways), went to the inspection station, checked the records and pulled their inspection license. Also made sure the inspector knew who ratted him out.
 
Last edited:
Normal decent people will have a hard time believing the levels of stupid stuff we see in the system. They have a really difficult time with the truly vile stuff we see. As a small town cop, I used to have the snowflakes tell me "that doesn't/won't happen here". You have enough people and you will see some really awful stuff. It just takes longer in small towns.
 
S42N8 said:
"Why, no, officer, I have no idea why you pulled me over" - every driver on southbound I-75 past the I-275 exit.
Click to expand...
Let me guess... You let them go with a warning every single time if they answered your quiz game correctly?
 
By God, I'll have you walking a beat by next week!

Thank you, sir. I really liked walking a beat before they put me on this assignment writing speeding tickets in a school zone.
-------------------------------

A dozen unsolved homicides in this town and you're out here writing speeding tickets! I'll have to talk to the mayor about this!

Great! I'd love to work homicide instead of traffic enforcement, but this is what the chief told me to do so this is what I'm doing right now.
-----------------------------------

Do you know who I am?

I will when you produce your driver's license and registration.
---------------------------------------------

My lawyer will eat your *** alive.

Your lawyer will get what was left over after my wife's lawyer got his share in the divorce.
 
LoboGunLeather said:
Thank you, sir. I really liked walking a beat before they put me on this assignment writing speeding tickets in a school zone.
Click to expand...

School zones and school busses are something I've never took for granted as far as the law.

There are 2 schools next to each other and it's a 1.7 mile 20 MPH zone when the lights are flashing. Couldn't count the times I'd be idling along at 20 and get passed by people doing 50. Lots do get caught thou.
 
This one was actually quite common in my area...After a high speed car chase and wreck/bail out followed by a foot pursuit through bushes and over fences the suspect is caught. We drag suspect back to the car with him twisting, turning (in cuffs) resisting the whole way. After the suspect is secured in the rear of the zone car and after taking a few minutes to catch my breath I ask, "What is your name?" No response. I turn around and look at him and ask again, "What is your name? Suspect looks surprised and responds, Huh? Who, me?"
My response, "Is there anyone else in the car besides us?"
 
My Dad was told -- I have to drive because I am to drunk to walk. He also had someone run a red light and they insisted that the light was blue over and over they started screaming THE LIGHT WAS BLUE NOT RED!!!
 
Late one night, I pulled over a "lady" for running a red light. She saw that I was beside her.
When asked why she drove through the light while I was beside her,
She said "because I'm a girl, wanna see"? And began to undress. She smelled of cheap scotch.
A heck of a lot of paperwork just for a red light violation.
 
Don't know how many times I was told, "take that badge off and I will whip your rear end". To which I replied, it is too small to hide behind, so don't let it stop you.
 
Maybe this wasn't necessarily a stupid thing to say but; Pulled a guy over for speeding. He's a felon on parole. I tell him to pop the trunk. Nice AK laying there. I say well you know I have to take you to jail? He says yeah. I ask why are you driving around with a rifle? He says his buddy wanted his air compressor and that's all he had to trade.
 
Pulled over for 84 on a 2 lane road where the speed limit was 70 on a fine Sunday afternoon. In a Lincoln Town Car with USMC plates.

Sheriff "I pulled you over for going 84 mph"

Me, " Wow, that's to fast"

"Where you going"

"Picnic with xxxxxs (conservative group) "

Hand him license and insurance.

A couple minutes later he comes back hands them too me, says "Have a nice picnic and slow down a bit."

Me " Thanks"

Be polite, old, obviously veteran, obviously support law enforcement.

I am also sure he knew I grew up and started driving long before Montana ever had something called a speed limit. That didn't happen until 1999. Ya we had the 55mph deal, here that was a $5 ticket and no points. You would get pulled over for going 80-90 they would hold you up for 5 minutes or so, you gave them you five and took off again.
 
Oldie but a goodie...

A cop witnesses a guy pull the old California rolling stop. He slows down at the stop sign, looks and then rolls right through it. The cop lights him up, pulls him over and starts writing him a ticket.

The driver starts going nuts on him, why are you being such a jerk? I slowed down, what the heck is your problem?. He contines for a couple of minutes and finally the officer has had enough of his BS.

He puts down his ticket book, pulls his baton and starts wacking the guy upside head repeatedly. The guys starts screaming what are you doing?
{wait for it}...

The officer responds "Do you want me to slow down or do you want me to stop?"
 
One Sunday day shift I was directing traffic at a busy church when a van load of Hippies stopped & motioned me over. Thinking they wanted directions I walked over and quickly asked how I could help. One of them asked why I needed a gun to direct traffic, to which I responded; "To shoot people who ask stupid questions." Got my butt chewed by the sergeant but it was worth it.
 
During a search incident to arrest, which wasn't pleasant since the DUI suspect had already wet himself, he exclaimed "These aren't my pants" as I removed a 35mm film cannister containing white crosses from his right front pocket.
 
Stopped a guy walking down the street around 2:00 a.m. one morning. He blurted out "I don't know nothing about that box car being broke into!" I didn't either until he said that. The box car was full of beer and was scattered all over the neighborhood. We wound up arresting over 10 people for theft. We put two officers in the box car and as soon as someone crawled in we cuffed them, sat them on a case of beer, and waited for the next one. After a couple of hours they figured it out and quit coming to the box car.
 
Muss Muggins said:
"That ain't mine . . . "

And my favorite:

"I pay your salary . . . "

"Yeah, I pay taxes too, and at the moment, I'm on my dime . . . "
Click to expand...

After having the I pay your salary line laid on me, I would pull out a penny and slide it to them and say "well then, here's a refund of your portion." It always shut them up...
 
I like the one where the cop is administering a sobriety test to a suspected DUI.

Officer: I want you to take 9 steps on this line, toe to heel, heel to toe.

DUI guy: Are you kidding? I couldn't do that sober.
 
Old cop said:
One Sunday day shift I was directing traffic at a busy church when a van load of Hippies stopped & motioned me over. Thinking they wanted directions I walked over and quickly asked how I could help. One of them asked why I needed a gun to direct traffic, to which I responded; "To shoot people who ask stupid questions." Got my butt chewed by the sergeant but it was worth it.
Click to expand...

Yeah, you don't those hippies setting up shop in your town....:D

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vrmUkq0jXYA[/ame]
 
An old Ron White joke....the trooper told me I smelled like alcohol, my response was...sir, I have smelled like that since 1975.

Then there is the Texas trooper who pulled a vehicle over. After asking for license and insurance he then smacked the driver in the forehead with his night stick, "son when a trooper pulls you over you have your paperwork ready and window down before I get to it." He then walked over to the passenger and signals for him to roll his window down and then gave him the same smack. The passenger is confused and asks "what is that for?" Trooper... " just granting your wish" ...passenger "my wish?". Trooper..."yea because 5 miles down the road you are going be saying I wish that trooper tried the billy club **** with me". :)

One more. Cop asked the driver why he didn't pull over when he saw the lights and siren. Driver..."well my wife ran away with a cop a few weeks ago and I was afraid you were trying to give her back".
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

H
Carrying Concealed really Does Mean Concealed
2
Replies
33
Views
4K
Jon651
Jon651
Don 73
I hate Taco Bell ... UPDATED
2
Replies
56
Views
6K
Skeet 028
S
Faulkner
  • Locked
Open Carry: I knew it would happen
5 6 7
Replies
180
Views
9K
ChattanoogaPhil
ChattanoogaPhil
Doug M.
  • Locked
After years of declining crime, a spike in city violence
2
Replies
46
Views
3K
ladder13
L
walkin jack
Hell's Airline
2
Replies
35
Views
3K
Doug M.
Doug M.

Latest posts

Back
Top