The dreaded “It’s the gun or me” gauntlet...
- Thread starter Maximumbob54
- Start date
Guy says to his buddy, "The last time I had an argument with my wife she came begging to me on her hands and knees by the time we were finished arguing."
Buddy says, "Wow! That's great! What did she say?!"
Guy says, "She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little pansy!'"
thndrchiken
Member
My ex wife gave me the same ultimatum, at the time I had one pistol and one rifle. Needless to say, she's gone and I have more guns then ever. When I start dating usually about three or four dates into the relationship I bring up the gun/shooting issue by having a range date on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon, I usually know where it stands by the end of the afternoon.
ol' geeser
Member
Wife and I bought each other a 50 gun safe a couple of years ago for Christmas....there are exactly 0 empty slots currently and some of the longgun slots are doubled.
Last year I bought her a Belgian Browning A-5 20 for her birthday as she has turned into quite the dove huntress. As I was packing to go dove hunting w/ my son a week or two ago, she walks by and says," Were do you think you're going with MY shotgun?"
The ultimatium I usually get from her is...."When can you buy that one for me?"
Gotta love it.......
Last year I bought her a Belgian Browning A-5 20 for her birthday as she has turned into quite the dove huntress. As I was packing to go dove hunting w/ my son a week or two ago, she walks by and says," Were do you think you're going with MY shotgun?"
The ultimatium I usually get from her is...."When can you buy that one for me?"
Gotta love it.......
First of all anyone that will give you that kind of ultimatum doesn't love you anyway. They may love control and they may think they love what they could make of you but it certainly isn't the kind of love that builds a good relationship.
If a line like that is drawn the best thing to do is start backing away, then turn and run. That's my opinion. No doubt influenced by the fact that I don't like ultimatums. Generally if I am told that I must do something then I wont. If someone wants me to do something they can ask and I will consider it unless it is something really way out like getting rid of my guns.
If a line like that is drawn the best thing to do is start backing away, then turn and run. That's my opinion. No doubt influenced by the fact that I don't like ultimatums. Generally if I am told that I must do something then I wont. If someone wants me to do something they can ask and I will consider it unless it is something really way out like getting rid of my guns.
BarbC
Member
You may or may not know that this thread is really touching a nerve with me.
I had the final ultimatum last February when it was "Get off the computer or we're getting a divorce." I was in total shock because of the long history we had and I thought the marriage wasn't that bad, all in all. But as I said before, ultimatums are actually already not in your favor or they wouldn't have been thrown down in the first place. It's just an excuse for them not to look like the bad guy.
But it still hurts that they would have such little respect as to do that.
I had the final ultimatum last February when it was "Get off the computer or we're getting a divorce." I was in total shock because of the long history we had and I thought the marriage wasn't that bad, all in all. But as I said before, ultimatums are actually already not in your favor or they wouldn't have been thrown down in the first place. It's just an excuse for them not to look like the bad guy.
But it still hurts that they would have such little respect as to do that.
venomballistics
Member
true Barb ....
My wife is kinda prone to getting a little OCD when she feels overwhelmed ... ive never laid down an ultimatum about it, rather I tell her to sit down in front of something else. its effective in breaking that cycles that get things broke.
she may protest a bit, but in the end play of the game I often hear "thank you, you were right" as she looks upon the past crisis in hindsight. Theres a difference between guidance, and enslavement.
Yeah we are only at the three year mark, but we know we chose each other in spousal roles. I wanted a wife, she wanted a husband.
If we wanted robots as some seem to, parts can be had from Digikey.com so we can build em.
Seems the wife in the mentioned in the OP should take up electronics engineering.
I think I did well, Lord knows Ive walked away from an alarming number that wouldn't have been as fruitful. So numerous that statistical computations leaned toward impossibility.
My wife is kinda prone to getting a little OCD when she feels overwhelmed ... ive never laid down an ultimatum about it, rather I tell her to sit down in front of something else. its effective in breaking that cycles that get things broke.
she may protest a bit, but in the end play of the game I often hear "thank you, you were right" as she looks upon the past crisis in hindsight. Theres a difference between guidance, and enslavement.
Yeah we are only at the three year mark, but we know we chose each other in spousal roles. I wanted a wife, she wanted a husband.
If we wanted robots as some seem to, parts can be had from Digikey.com so we can build em.
Seems the wife in the mentioned in the OP should take up electronics engineering.
I think I did well, Lord knows Ive walked away from an alarming number that wouldn't have been as fruitful. So numerous that statistical computations leaned toward impossibility.
mike from st pete
Member
Dear Ex Wife
Came home late one night and said "I want to sleep with this guy I met, if you won't let me I'm leaving".
I said "I guess you are leaving".
She did and when she moved out she left her guns behind.
No moral to the story, but I think I made out better.
If any brick in the foundation of a relationship isn't securely set the foundation/relationship is bound to fail. Maybe now, maybe later, but it's going to fail.
Came home late one night and said "I want to sleep with this guy I met, if you won't let me I'm leaving".
I said "I guess you are leaving".
She did and when she moved out she left her guns behind.
No moral to the story, but I think I made out better.
If any brick in the foundation of a relationship isn't securely set the foundation/relationship is bound to fail. Maybe now, maybe later, but it's going to fail.
VAdoublegunner
Member
I haven't had that come up about firearms in a relationship before, usually because the vetting process (isn't that what the pols call it?) lets me know what to expect before anything goes far enough to develop into something serious (although after the obligatory 3 dates rule, mind you... wouldn't want to cut some things in the vetting process too short).
I have had 2 people in my seakayaking group say that they would never paddle with anyone they knew carried a gun. Which was sort of interesting when I clued one of them in that she had been doing so for at least 2 years and it wasn't just a couple of us and that most who did so were women. She decided to continue going with us. The other one I didn't care about anyway, so I have respected their wishes and curtailed the invitations.
I have had 2 people in my seakayaking group say that they would never paddle with anyone they knew carried a gun. Which was sort of interesting when I clued one of them in that she had been doing so for at least 2 years and it wasn't just a couple of us and that most who did so were women. She decided to continue going with us. The other one I didn't care about anyway, so I have respected their wishes and curtailed the invitations.
RobertJ.
Member
Back when my wife and I started hanging out together, I knew she wasn't too wild about firearms. Her brother had killed his best friend with an "empty" .22, and everyone in her family was traumatized by it.
However, before we actually got married, we were eating at an Italian restaurant in a seedier part of Seattle. After we were seated, my wife looked around, then leaned over and whispered, "Do you have your gun with you?" I replied yes I did, and I knew everthing would be okay from that point on.
That was 17 years ago. Now, all she knows besides the fact that I've always got one handy, is that some are black, some are silver, and they all have that little wheel that spins in the middle.
She's not sure she could use one against another person, so I've never bought her one of her own. But she knows where to find one of mine, and she knows that all she has to do is point and pull the trigger until the threat has stopped. She has more common sense than the average person, and I wouldn't want to be the one to test her.
However, before we actually got married, we were eating at an Italian restaurant in a seedier part of Seattle. After we were seated, my wife looked around, then leaned over and whispered, "Do you have your gun with you?" I replied yes I did, and I knew everthing would be okay from that point on.
That was 17 years ago. Now, all she knows besides the fact that I've always got one handy, is that some are black, some are silver, and they all have that little wheel that spins in the middle.
She's not sure she could use one against another person, so I've never bought her one of her own. But she knows where to find one of mine, and she knows that all she has to do is point and pull the trigger until the threat has stopped. She has more common sense than the average person, and I wouldn't want to be the one to test her.
OP
Maximumbob54
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Barb, (if I may use your first name) I didn't mean to stir up bad emotions in anyone with this thread. Maybe more to air out the dirt some. I'm just always in shock how often this type of thing happens. And much like how you describe your situation, one of them doesn't even know the negative that is going on with the other until blammo it's ultimatum time. I don't know why we suffer in silence only to finally blow up like that and it may be telling that someone is able or willing to do that to their other half. The need for attention from a partner can be a touchy issue to talk about I guess. I'm no expert, I just hope your situation has gotten better since that time.
If they like weapons, domestic animals, can cook from scratch,drink alcohol, have wealth,and sleep nude then they are "Keepers"
Joni_Lynn
US Veteran
Well, 3 out of 6.............maybe that's a problem. 
HOUSTON RICK
Member
Yes, the no more guns rant is part of the daily mad ravings that I endure. Fortunately she does not know the difference between a Mossberg and a Luger, so the safe somehow slowly keeps getting more crowded. Must be all the ammo?
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GatorFarmer
Member
I'd never go on a date without a gun, so it tended to be something people would notice. (The one time I violated that rule, I was raped by this Amazonish woman who'd just got off the plane from Germany. Later she made me bundt cake.)
I suppose was the sort of guy who wasn't going to change and didn't seem particularly malleable. I was just going to do what I thought was best or needed to be done. One of those things that is both charming in some ways and annoying in others.
I suppose was the sort of guy who wasn't going to change and didn't seem particularly malleable. I was just going to do what I thought was best or needed to be done. One of those things that is both charming in some ways and annoying in others.
venomballistics
Member
I got 5 out of 6 with mine ... gotta help her with the wealth part
so off to ebay to sell all her ... umm what dear?!?!? just kidding dear ...
so off to ebay to sell all her ... umm what dear?!?!? just kidding dear ...
Almost invariably the case. And maybe the judge too, in any subsequent divorce case - so she can ask for more than "her 50%."
Good, mature women (and men) do not dictate to their spouses. When they see something they are uncomfortable with, they try to discuss, to reason, to persuade. Sometimes both have to compromise. Sometimes a little "education" alleviates the problem so that one view or the other can prevail and both are comfortable. But they do not threaten, and they do not indicate they are willing to throw away a relationship (that they value) over something like the otherwise responsible ownership of a gun, a motorcycle, etc. - especially if they were well aware of that before they were married. (Not the case in your example, but I have seen this elsewhere.)
A friend, over the course of his rather long marriage, has put up with five marital blow-ups (legally-forced separations) resulting from temper tantrums driven by things like this. He and his wife are still married. I admire his devotion to her, but I think she has treated him very poorly, and I do not understand how he can trust her. But he does. Not all human beings are cut out to handle a relationship involving constant irrational demands and extreme reactions. The situation can very easily become dangerous beyond the previous experiences of both parties. As I young fellow I did not "believe in" divorce, and I am still very concerned about it, but I was also not aware of how quickly and easily a marginal relationship can deteriorate into a dangerous situation, until I started carefully observing some of these problems in others I actually knew. Divorce is a horrible mess for any children involved, but it beats murder-suicides. Sometimes, much as we may deplore the vehicle, academically, it is a life-saver.
Ultimatums are a "kiss of death" - the mark of an emotionally unstable, immature individual, IMO. I would be very concerned about an ultimatum-giver.
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venomballistics
Member
yeah M29 ... I have seen a lot of cases where the giver of ultimatums went on to some Jerry Springer lives.
beach elvis
Member
My wife and I have an arrangement:
My job is to provide the money, food and shelter.
Hers is to supply the abstinence and verbal abuse.
Sorry, couldn't keep from posting that.
In reality, she's not only a fine shot but has 5 guns of her own.
In fact, she's quite the pistol herself so if she ever lost it on me, I couldn't run far or fast enough to keep her from pickin' me off.
After being widowed once and surviving a marriage that went disastrously bad, it became very obvious to me that all two folks have to do for a marriage to work is to be willing to accept each other's humanity. If one's partner's humanity is too much for the other to accept, then a bad choice was made. Try as they might, they got a highway ahead of 'em.
It's been said that a marriage is hard work. I submit (and this opinion I only apply for myself, not anyone else nor their relationship.)
that marriage is only hard work when it's bad.
My job is to provide the money, food and shelter.
Hers is to supply the abstinence and verbal abuse.
Sorry, couldn't keep from posting that.
In reality, she's not only a fine shot but has 5 guns of her own.
In fact, she's quite the pistol herself so if she ever lost it on me, I couldn't run far or fast enough to keep her from pickin' me off.
After being widowed once and surviving a marriage that went disastrously bad, it became very obvious to me that all two folks have to do for a marriage to work is to be willing to accept each other's humanity. If one's partner's humanity is too much for the other to accept, then a bad choice was made. Try as they might, they got a highway ahead of 'em.
It's been said that a marriage is hard work. I submit (and this opinion I only apply for myself, not anyone else nor their relationship.)
that marriage is only hard work when it's bad.
removed PC
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