The dreaded “It’s the gun or me” gauntlet...

Maximumbob54

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Has anyone ever had this thrown in their face? I had a good friend years ago that went with me to a gun store. He bought a Taurus 605 and we walked into the range with his free pass for buying a new gun. It was great. He loved it and instantly became another new satisfied gun owner. We used to go to the range at least every other weekend. When his relationship got serious she decided they needed to get married and found a bigger place. Then she found out about his gun… Sadly he had no idea how anti gun she was as it had just never come up before. He went around trying to sell it but we all know how great a deal most gun shops will offer you and even worse for the Taurus phobia. So I bought it from him and years later it's still a great gun. I can only be thankful that my female half wasn't as anti as his was. Mine has even grown to enjoy them enough that she owns a revolver and a shotgun now. Anyone else want to share a horror story or a tale of romance that a moment of wisdom saved them from???
 
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I don't like ultimatums. If she told me, "It's me or the" anything - gun, dog, TV, computer, beer - then it's, "Bye bye".

But I do recall asking a young lady, when it appeared to be getting serious, how she felt about guns. Said I had a bunch, planned on having more, and carried one with me wherever I went. So if she was against guns, we needed to stop it before it went any further.
 
When I was a teen I had a 45/45 Harley. I still remember going to work one day at US Steel with a For Sale sign on it. An older guy asked me why I was selling it so I told him - My *fiance* told me it was her or the motorcycle. The old man laid these words of wisdom on me:
"The motorcycle is just the beginning kid - What's next? What will you HAVE to give up after that?"

I kept the bike ........
 
When I was a teen I had a 45/45 Harley. I still remember going to work one day at US Steel with a For Sale sign on it. An older guy asked me why I was selling it so I told him - My *fiance* told me it was her or the motorcycle. The old man laid these words of wisdom on me:
"The motorcycle is just the beginning kid - What's next? What will you HAVE to give up after that?"

I kept the bike ........

That was you? I have always wondered if you sold it...
 
It's hardly ever about the gun, dog, motorcycle, whatever. It's a game of control. It's not a fun game for either party and we don't play it here. It's been my experience that the guy who's willing to give up everything to keep her is going to get dumped anyway when she finds a man.
 
The three big issues of marriage or just about any relationship are money, sex and power, not necessarily in that order. These have to be decided. The settlement is never equal. Like it or not, few will ever get to have everything their own precise way. Such people are few. They are usually people who go through life alone... or surrounded by weak, dependent people. If one is more committed to self than one's wife, then at best the marriage will suffer. At worst, it will fail. In either case, both husband and wife loose. In a good marriage, both husband and wife learn how to give and take. In a good marriage, there is a lot of give and take... you have to give a lot more than you take and take a lot more than you give! Apart from that, you will have little success in marriage as well as other relationships of life whether career, hobby, etc. You have to decide if you love your wife/husband more than you love a possession. Personally I value my wife. She reciprocates that affirmation. We don't agree on all things. But we work things out. And, if I see that there is something I really care about and think is important but that it is pushing us apart, then whatever it is has to go. Things come and things go. People are not replaceable. We live in a disposable society. But I will not dispose of people... especially my wife. There's no one else like her in this entire world! I will not trash our marriage relationship for anything.
 
Good Choice!

When I was a teen I had a 45/45 Harley. I still remember going to work one day at US Steel with a For Sale sign on it. An older guy asked me why I was selling it so I told him - My *fiance* told me it was her or the motorcycle. The old man laid these words of wisdom on me:
"The motorcycle is just the beginning kid - What's next? What will you HAVE to give up after that?"

I kept the bike ........

Good Choice!

Bekeart
 
I dont control other people or tell them what they can or can't do, and I expect the same courtesy.

People who lay down ultimatums such as "It's either me or the whatever" need to realize that they might end up on the losing end of it... but that might be just what they wanted in the first place, only they were too cowardly to do it themselves.
 
People who lay down ultimatums such as "It's either me or the whatever" need to realize that they might end up on the losing end of it... but that might be just what they wanted in the first place, only they were too cowardly to do it themselves.

Saw that more than once in service.
Spouse says "If you take that assignment, I'm leaving you".......then leaves regardless.

One buddy turned down 06 to "make peace", and a year later was divorced anyway. She just wanted her friends to think it was his fault.
 
If you don't like my (guns, motorcycles, cars, etc.), then you don't like me. End of discusssion.

I agree these things are who you are. No one should make you give up anything you enjoy. Just tell he to get a hobby too.
 
Back in the day, I was a...shall we say...a cad. I was seeing a number of women at the same time. The one who I ultimately married has told me a number of times that she never gave me an ultimatum because she wanted to know I CHOSE her. Not because I was forced into it, in any way, shape or form.

She's a wise lady.
 
It's hardly ever about the gun, dog, motorcycle, whatever. It's a game of control. It's not a fun game for either party and we don't play it here. It's been my experience that the guy who's willing to give up everything to keep her is going to get dumped anyway when she finds a man.

Yup. That topic comes up from time to time on other forums. I always advise to get out now before it will cost you half your stuff.
 
I like to believe that my wife and I are mature enough to make our own desicions. The decisions that can have big consequences are discussed and made together. She also had guns when we started dating.
 
I still do not understand how that subject (and many others) to not come up with some couples before they say "I DO"... seriously, what did they do- date for 5 minutes before getting married?

A friend of mine who has since passed on shared the best version of that scenario I have heard:

After the marriage, his new wife moved-in and discovered he owned guns. She told him: "The guns gotta go!" He smiled and simply replied: "They were here first." She replied: "Does that mean *I* gotta go?!?" He said: "That's up to you."

Long story short, she gave guns a try and quickly became a gun enthusiast and they lived happily ever after!

~Harvester
 
I still do not understand how that subject (and many others) to not come up with some couples before they say "I DO"... seriously, what did they do- date for 5 minutes before getting married?

A friend of mine who has since passed on shared the best version of that scenario I have heard:

After the marriage, his new wife moved-in and discovered he owned guns. She told him: "The guns gotta go!" He smiled and simply replied: "They were here first." She replied: "Does that mean *I* gotta go?!?" He said: "That's up to you."

Long story short, she gave guns a try and quickly became a gun enthusiast and they lived happily ever after!

~Harvester
Dude ... She knew and you cant tell me any different.
 
Over the last couple years i've had a few guys coming in to the shop to sell off guns because their wife wanted them to get rid of those "nasty guns". Can't see that....unless they had a deep psychological fear of weapons and i sure wouldn't want anyone like that in my life. I've told them straight out that they shouldn't put up with that kind of thing but i usually end up buying their guns. Hope they feel it was worth it.
 
We used to go to the range at least every other weekend. When his relationship got serious she decided they needed to get married and found a bigger place. Then she found out about his gun…

How does a guy who likes guns and goes to the range all the time date a woman long enough to marry her but she never knows he has a gun and likes shooting? What else was your buddy hiding from her?
 
That was you? I have always wondered if you sold it...

I think that it's ironic that YOU should come up with that since it's my understanding that you're a cop in Hollywood (?)...

I was living in an apartment at Yucca & Argyle (a block from Hollywood and a block from Vine) when the bike was stolen. The only thing I had left was the cut in two Master Lock - They even took the chain.

Cops came, took a report, and told me to get over it - It's gone.

Not very long after that I was gone too.
 
Many years ago, I know'd an old feller that got married.
He had taken a horse and buggy to the church for them to go home in.
They was headed home and the old mare stumbled.
The feller sez "That's once"
They went on their way and the old gal stumbled agin.
"That's twice"
On the third occurance, the ol boy pulls out a pistol and shoots the old mare.
The new bride plumb throws a fit. She chews on him sumthin' fierce.
He sets there plumb quiet until she run out of wind and sed,
"That's once!"
They lived happily ever after....;):D
 
Any "it's me or <whatever thing you like>" before you get married is a great thing. Let's you know you need to bail. Some people just refuse to listen.

How did the guy in the OP's marriage turn out?
 
Would never give up my guns for anyone! Thankfully, my wife is as pro-gun as I am. The only problem we ever had was when I spent money that I shouldn't have to purchase one. She has her CCW permit and I send my revolver with her when she travels alone, which is rare.
 
I covered that with my ex prior to the 'I DO' part and then when the time came, they tried to get the house, the cars, the motorcycles, the guns and the dog. The lawyer got the money, the ex got a suitcase.
People that are nuts in their dislike of guns are just plain not right in the head anyway.
 
I remember telling my wife when we were dating that I hunted, had guns etc. It helped though that several members of her family hunt, even though she really isn't into that. I also had her shoot a revolver when we were dating and she loved it. The rules of the house are, as long as the bills are paid and the kid is fed, if there is any extra money and I want a gun, well then I can get one. Works that way with the other stuff too, and with what ever she likes.
I used to see alot of this sort of thing of gun shows when helping my friend out. Someone would start to look at a gun and then the missus would get riled and say something like "You're not getting another gun." Or "You're not having one in the house!" Personally if I had someone like that, I wouldn't have her around long.
Remember what Obi Wan Kenobi said "Only a Sith deals in absolutes." So unless you want to be married to Darth Vader, pre-screen your women folk.
 
Lots of ammo here.

My mother hated guns. She tolerated them because my dad's only real hobby was hunting and fishing. Most of his time he was working or taking care of us (the kids.) When I was getting married, she tried to interfere. She picked her time when my wife to be and I were at their house. She kind of forcefully said "you're not taking that gun collection with you, are you?" My wife to be didn't bite, she ignored it. Later when mother tried again to impose her anti gun views, she just said she grew up in a house full of guns, and kind of expected we'd have them, too. The gun collection was a pistol, a rifle, and a shotgun. :( I was impoverished by college.

About 10 years later I had a good friend. Ole Hutch was hard on equipment, to say the least. He'd bought a new Jeep in the 77-78 period like a bunch of us. But he'd managed to blow up a few motors. Guess the old 304s weren't up to his abuse. And all the guys would pull together and find him a new motor and put it in. Not rocket science. Junked AMC V8s were cheap.

So one afternoon we were playing up at the dam. Old Hutch got in the throttle a bit much and another one bit the dust. It was about 30 miles from his home. So I did my duty, hooked up my tow rope and started pulling him toward home. I didn't mind, he was a good friend who would do anything for you. But it was still daylight out, so he started blowing the horn about 2/3rds of the way home. He wanted to pull into a car wash while the mud was still soft (its easier to work on a clean vehicle.)

It had the double benefit of it getting dark. One of our following vehicles took the lead and drove down his street, telling us on the CB there was a place open in front of his house, but a better one a block up the road (where we wouldn't have to go past his house.) So we very quietly rolled down the street, him whipping into the spot. But she was waiting and saw. She came out screaming. And with the ultimatum. Either the jeep goes, or she does. And there was no quieting her down.

So he just calmly told her how much he loves her. But then followed it by pointing out if she got away with it, she'd just pull it again and again. Then he told her he'd miss her, but the jeep stays, and he really wanted her to stay, too. They're still married.

I've also heard it said that marriage is just a series of compromises. And you'll make all of them. :(

But don't feel too sorry for my wife. A couple of years ago (make it 2007) I sold a Colt SAA to one of our members here (his FFL, actually). Then I took the money and bought her a Christmas present with it. A nice pendant, I mean a really nice one. Guns, jewelry, it doesn't really matter any more. The difference is I sold the gun without her knowing about it. Then bought her a present without her knowing. She was gracious and accepted it. The best present I've ever given.
 
How does a guy who likes guns and goes to the range all the time date a woman long enough to marry her but she never knows he has a gun and likes shooting? What else was your buddy hiding from her?

It went long distance when the USN moved him to Jax, FL and she stayed in NY. He met me and I try to make a convert of anyone that shows the slightest interest. When she moved South she thought I was a "bad influance" on him with my dangerous hobby. Then he told her about his gun. It went over the course of a week before she was there and the issue came up. So nothing hidden. Just short notice.
 
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