The perfect squelch!

[PALADIN85020]

My wife and I recently attended memorial services for a lady who used to live next door to us in Tempe, Arizona. She was a high school Spanish teacher, and she also spoke fluent Italian and taught college level course in that language. She really knew both languages, and could also speak "street" Spanish very well. Of course she also spoke flawless English. I really admire people who can handle more than one language well; it was never one of my special skills.

One of her other friends related this at the service:

It seems she was on a cruise ship going down the western Mexican coast; a lot of Mexicans were on board. She was relaxing on a deck chair, reading a book, when a young Mexican kid came out and started bouncing a basketball near her, occasionally landing the ball on top of her book. This happened more than once.

So she called the kid over in Spanish and told him words to the effect that if he didn't knock that off, she was going to take his ball, deflate it, throw it overboard, and then throw him overboard too. She was quite emphatic about it and cussed him out in street Spanish.

The kid started crying and ran to his mommy. He and his mom returned shortly, and the mother of the little brat started in on my friend vehemently in Spanish, telling her that she had no right to chastise her little son, etc., etc.

My friend looked up at her, and in English said "I'm sorry, ma'am, but I don't speak Spanish!"

The baffled mom grabbed her brat by the ear and marched him off, loudly accusing him on the way of being a lying little so and so!

John

 

[29aholic]

Now that's funny.

 

[VPNAVY]

Outstanding!

 

[feralmerril]

Did you ever see that honeymooner show where the crandons and nortons were in germany? Ralph wanted to ask a german something and didnt know how. Norton butted in and said he had watched a lot of movies and knew how. Watch this! He walked up to a guy and said, "Hey, swinehunt"! It went downhill for them from there!

 

[Cyrano]

Last year I was on the Jersey Pike, getting gas. I had a French couple with me. A panhandler approached my friend and started his spiel. My friend said "Je ne parle pas l'Anglais" (I don't speak english.) Of course he is very comfortable in English. The guy then approached me and started in. I told him "Je ne parle pas l'Anglais", after which he got a disgusted look and wandered off. I told my friend, in French, "Sometimes it's convenient not to speak English". He grinned.

 

[pilgrim6a]

My friend Jon was asked his opinion by a loud mouthed, dottering old fool. The subject was one of those political/religious land mines that we all avoid like the plague. Jon is a Presbyterian Minister.
Jon sipped his drink, and puffed on his pipe, then started to speak.
Jon spoke for a solid 15 min. and ended with a quote in some language I'd never heard before. This seemed to quiet the know-it-all and he started to annoy someone else.
Later I spoke with Jon. I complemented him on saying so much without answering the question one way or the other. I also asked him what the gibberish was.
Jon told me it was ancient Greek, and freely translated was "These are not the droids you are looking for."

 

[mooney1el]

Several years ago, my wife was interviewing for a job in the Detroit area. She wanted to move back to SE Michigan after 4-5 years of working in South Carolina. After the morning interview, the company VP asked if she would join him for lunch; of course she accepted. As they were walking to the front door, the VP and another man had a short conversation in Polish about her. As the VP held the door for her, she said while smiling, "Be careful what you say, I speak Polish too", in perfect Polish. She grew up in Hamtramck, but how would he have known that?

 

[mike from st pete]

Sitting in the breakroom at a job I had long ago. Listening to some Hmongs talking among themselves when their Colombian boss said to another Hispanic worker (in Spanish) "They live in the USA why can't they learn Spanish". That was a real HUH! moment for me.

 

[jag312]

A number of years I was in Milano, Italy. Two young ladies approached me on the street. One of the young ladies asked me in Italian if I was "looking for a good time". I pretended that I didn't understand Italian. So she said "Amore". Right. So I pulled out my Italian-English dictionary, leafed through some pages, and replied, "Ammortizzatore ?." That means shock absorber in Italian. She replied "no, amore", and I replied "Ammortizzatore?". We continued this for about a minute before they both walked off thinking I was a complete idiot. I'm still laughing about this.

 

[venomballistics]

My friend Jon was asked his opinion by a loud mouthed, dottering old fool. The subject was one of those political/religious land mines that we all avoid like the plague. Jon is a Presbyterian Minister.
Jon sipped his drink, and puffed on his pipe, then started to speak.
Jon spoke for a solid 15 min. and ended with a quote in some language I'd never heard before. This seemed to quiet the know-it-all and he started to annoy someone else.
Later I spoke with Jon. I complemented him on saying so much without answering the question one way or the other. I also asked him what the gibberish was.
Jon told me it was ancient Greek, and freely translated was "These are not the droids you are looking for."

"these are not the droids you are looking for" ....that should be learned in at least 6 languages.

 

[Tom K]

Not exactly a squelch, as such...

A few years ago my wife and I were at a botanical garden. I think it was a Labor Day weekend so it was a bit crowded, but not too bad. However we were on a pathway with limited room and there was a little girl, maybe 8-10 years old, who had no idea that there was anyone else in the world besides her. Somehow this little girl was able to take up the entire walk, while being oblivious to anyone else wanting to get by.

For some reason, rather than speaking and trying to get her attention directly, I simply made a low gutteral growling sound followed by a "chuff".* She immediately looked around startled and apprehensive, and took off towards wherever her mother was, clearing our path. She obviously didn't associate the sound with me or anyone else - she was looking for some kind of wild beast. My wife looked at me in amazement and said something like, "Well that worked out great! I would never have thought of doing that."

A few minutes later as we wound our way around the path, we came across the girl again with her mother who was telling her, "Just breathe honey, just breathe."


*For an approximation of the sound I made, refer to this clip from "Greystoke - The Legend of Tarzan" starring Christopher Lambert. The relevant part is at about 2:50 into the clip.

GREYSTOKE - Tarzan - The Great Dinner Scene! - YouTube