Uninvited critters in bed. What's your story?

blackdeuce

blackdeuce

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I woke about 4:00 a.m. this morning and got out of bed to get a drink. I crawled back in bed and pulled up the covers. I immediately felt something crawling on my left leg. I threw the covers back and rapidly brushed "it" off of my leg. Thinking that I had removed the culprit, I pulled the covers back up and then felt the critter on my right thigh. With the speed of a ninja, I grabbed "it" and threw it across the room. I could feel it in my hand. When I turned on the lights, I had guts and black legs on my thigh and in my hand. Not enough remnants to identify it. I did a search for the remains, but found nothing. I'm hoping that it didn't crawl off with plans to get even this evening. :)

It occurred to me that there are probably some interesting stories out there. Got any?
 
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WE were reptile collecting in the dump at Borrego Springs (Anza Borrego, near the Salton Sea). Something ran up my buddies leg. We figured a scorpion. No way to get it out without it stinging him. He had grabbed the outside of his pants like a tourniquet, so it couldn't get to his privates. I took a shoelace off and tied his leg off just below the knee. We VERY slowly "walked" his pants leg up until we got to the "tail", which was covered in hair! Just a K-rat!
 
While sleeping in a sleeping bag in the desert on a motorcycle trip i woke up and felt something moving at the bottom on bag quickly got outta the bag and shook the bag out then a rather large diamond back rattler hit the ground....we both departed in different directions at a rapid pace

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One morning I felt something lightly touch the top of my head. Occasionaly crickets would get in the cabin and I thought it might be one. Half asleep, about the third time it happened I swatted at it and hit something that was not a cricket. Jumping up in bed and looking at the bookcase headboard, I saw a 4' Kingsnake coiled up on the shelf. It had been touching me with its tongue :( Funny thing was, still being in a daze, I almost talked myself into laying back down to sleep. It HAD to be a bad dream! It wasn't. Calling for help, my Grandad came and we got it out of the cabin. He laughed and said the snake was looking at my bald head, trying to figure out how to eat that BIG EGG!
Same cabin, I shared a glue trap with a mouse, but that's another story :D
 
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Many nights I am woken suddenly in the middle of the night by a mysterious creature that I am convinced is trying to slowly torture and possibly kill me one way or another.

Sometimes I wake to "it" laying on top of me digging its sharp claws into my skin while making weird noises that resembles a motorboat. This must be a highly developed torture technique devised to inflict pain over a long period of time. Other nights, I wake to feel "it" trying to skin my arm with its rough sandpaper-like tongue. Again, surely another torture technique. When the sun rises, he climbs onto the high headboard and dives onto my stomach jolting me awake and knocking the air out of my lungs. Torture, or trying to kill me, I have yet to conclude..... :eek: :eek: :eek:

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Woke up to a soot covered squirrel on my pillow. Followed little black footprints to the window. It ran up the curtains to the valance and didn't want to leave.

He'd come down the fireplace chimney after the cap came loose in a storm.
 
Similar to the previous scorpion story..... It was our annual trip to "The River" for Memorial Day=lots of tubing, some shooting, just all round "desert ratting". Couldn't really get drunk because it was so danged hot! We were snake collecting by road driving at night on the road between Topock and Oatman, along the Colorado in AZ. Got back about 3 AM. I just laid down on top of my sleeping bag on the deck outside of my aunt's trailer (Waaaayyyyyy!!!! to hot to sleep inside). Just kicked my boots off and was laying down when I suddenly got a stabbing, shooting pain in my left foot that shot up into my groin! I pulled my sleeping bag back and saw something about 2" long and straw colored crawling over the edge of the bag. I immediately thought it was a bark scorpion==the small but REALLY nasty ones!

I had my girlfriend get my buddy to drive me to the hospital and he tried to collect it to take it with us but it turned out to be a MONSTROUS, yellow wasp! It had stung me in the crease along the ball of my foot. Three days later, we drove back to L.A. My girlfriend couldn't drive a stick, we had a plethora of injuries (twisted ankles, cholla, a piece of hot brass down the neck==we were a mess!) I had to shift using a stick to push the clutch in. Fortunately, it was freeway the whole way!
 
I've awakened to the sensation of something crawling on me. I flailed my arms like a mad man and heard something go *tap* as it hit the opposite wall. No idea what it was, probably a roach, which makes me want to puke.

My wife dreamed the other night that she had a bird on her hand that was pecking her, and she instinctively jerked her hand away to get rid of it, but she whacked me in the face instead. Her ring came within a half inch of putting my eye out.
 
Not exactly on me or in bed with me, but this thread reminded me of something that happened over twenty years ago. I was camping on a bluff overlooking the Warrior River in Alabama, weather was perfect so I slept under the stars, no tent. I positioned my sleeping bag so my fire was between me and the drop off which was a good hundred foot drop straight down. Early in the morning, just before dawn I awoke hearing the rattle and crunch of an animal moving fast through the woods. I lay as still as I could wishing my .22 that I had was a .44.
Anyway, out of the brush burst this possum, getting it in high gear. It ran right between the fire remnants and the bluff edge. As I watched it run on, I laughed and sat up, just as a hound dog came bursting through on the possums trail. Unfortunately for the dog, it was oblivious to my presence, and at my motion it bolted sideways, and over the cliff it went. I felt a little bad for the dog, but I like telling the story
 
Some time back I was shooting at my daughters farm. Got up the next morning and went to the bathroom to shave etc. While I was putting shaving cream on I see a tick crawling on my neck. Figured I picked him up at the farm and he spent the night with me.

Later I read that they like to crawl up to your neck to dig in.
 
As a small child I was awoken by my grandmother's "missing" cat one night. Apparently he'd had enough of hiding from everyone else and wanted out of the room.

Not me but a former coworker. He woke in a motel room in central Nevada with the sensation of something on his chest. In that part of NV scorpions and Sun Spiders can be an issue, so he carefully peeled back the layers (no heat) and eventually revealed a small lizard on his PJ jacket. The lizard was none too impressed at being exposed to the cold.
 
I was strolling across the 'quad one afternoon, when I spied a squirrel hanging upside down under a picnic table a bunch of kids were sitting at. The squirrel hopped off and climbed up a girl's leg, on the back of her jeans. Somehow, she didn't notice.

I walked by, wondering if I should tell her, and decided not to.

I got about a hundred feet before I heard an ear-piercing, blood-curdling scream.

City girls.
 
Kodiakco said:
I had this girl once.......

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Click to expand...

That would be called a succubus.

I often have uninvited creatures in bed. Gracie and Petunia are only about 12 lb each, so they usually get to stay. Charlie the Poodle is a rangy 45 lb, so he gets to stay only rarely.
 
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