Surviving menopause

Some associate kindness with weakness. I see it the other way: sometimes it takes a great deal of strength just to cope, and understand the "bigger picture" in life.

I've been there done that, if it weren't for my belief system (Christian) I would have gone nuts...
 
Stevie said:
I would say the conclusion is obvious...my lady is well on the road to menopause. However she seems to be in denial...and the doctors are not diagnosing it either
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Welcome to atonement for all the trespasses of your life. ;)

Seriously, my advice is to shut up.
Do not use the word.
Do not suggest there is a problem.
You WON'T be right about it, she'll get defensive and deny it harder to make you wrong.
I hope no one takes this wrong, but there are times a man can tell a woman something that will be labelled as pure folly by the woman. Yet a woman can relay the same data 3 days later and it is taken as Gospel. :eek:
Just the way it works sometimes.

So, you need some help from women. You need some help from women who have been there and done that. Figure out how to get THEM to talk to her about what's happening. ;)

Watch the movie "Fried Green Tomatoes" with her(remember the 'shut up' thing). Be sure and laugh when she does, but you don't have to cry when she does. :D

Godspeed.
 
I can't recall who coined this, but I have always tried to remember it when we have a 'spat'.

If you would keep your marriage brimimg
With love from the loving cup
Whenever your wrong, admit it
Whenever your right, Shut Up.


Works for me! Art
 
I found that moving 150 miles away to the mountains not only minimized the problem, it improved our relationship overall. Of course, this probably won't work if you're married, but it worked for me (primarily) and my girlfriend. I can deal with everything that is my fault with much less hassle in several daily phone calls, and there is very little of it when I get back to see her in the city (she stays for her job, and her perception that ther aren't enough stores and restaurants immediately available in this small town). Best wishes, hang in there, you know she's worth it! More frequent father and son fishing trips may be in order, though.
 
I moved out when it reached the insanity level.Was served divorce papers 2 days later.Cost me my house.One thing I've learned the last few years is that many women are very good at playing the victim card.
 
Stevie - If you don't have a fishing rod, get one. Learn how to use it often, and stay out of sight. Having a boat makes it even better - you're not attached to the shore-line.
 
It always saddens me when I hear of or see marriages breaking apart. After all, at one time the two of you were so much in love that you promised to stay with each other forever no matter what. People need to realize that this is nothing that hasn't been going on for all time-menopause ain't something that was invented in the 60's. GUys don't understand ( I know I don't) that women need to talk and have someone listen. They don't want answers for the most part, they just want to takl and have someone listen. Took me the longest time to figure this out and accept it. Men internalize and can't understand why women can't do it as well. Thery are hardwired different than us. I found that letting my wife chatter on for 15 minutes or so when I got home and get it off her chest was the best thing I could do even though it was like letting her stick an ice pick through my ear. Guys on the otherhand vent by being alone doing whatever.
This is very important for your son in how you handle this as it will shape the way he handles it when it's his turn. If she is in the change you have been married long nough to sit her down and say "Hey, you need some help-what can I do?" Enlist her friends, or family-there are things that can be done. Growing old is hard enough, it's harder to do it alone-and if you're like me, you're too old to break in another one :D

No easy answers here amigo-life ain't that way; but remember your wedding day and the promises you made to each other-here is where they come in.
 
I agree that Women just want the guys in their lives to care. We want to solve the problem. Seems like the natural thing to do to me. Unfortunately, with menopause, there is nothing we can do (Other than "Care").:eek:
My Wife is 51, and has been exhibiting signs of menopause for the last few years. The monthly visitor has been on and off, she's had a few hot flashes, and her moods are, lets just say....interesting. One minute I am the sweetest, cutest, most thoughtful little feller in the world, and in a few moments I am Satan's Spawn. I never know which one I am from moment to moment. I have researched this on-line, and am not encouraged. I am interested in the hormone patch, and would appreciate comments on it.
If I live through this it will be a miracle. I'm hanging on to Psalm 34:19. "Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the Lord delivereth him out of them all".
Just hope she doesn't kill me first.:eek:
Jim
 
Who was it that said, "You can't win, you can't break even, you can't even quit the game"?

Don't give up, it will pass. Most importantly, talk to your son about it and explain that sometimes, it not his Mom talking, it her mood talking and she can't help it.
 
Best way to keep from getting shot, is to avoid the gunfight.
some days will be harder than others .. that might be your cue to take the son to the range, or fishing, or whatever else you can think of to maintain some distance. This will backfire after a while but then theres no tactic that wont. You cant fix her, only ride out the storm. what you can do is shield the kids as best you can. they are, after all, just as important as anyone else in this fix.
 
I am going through this same problem with my wife right now. So far I have found it best not to make direct eye contact, look down at my shoes, move slowly around her, speak in a very low tone and mumble, "I am sorry, yes dear, whatever you say dear."
 
CAJUNLAWYER said:
...People need to realize that this is nothing that hasn't been going on for all time-menopause ain't something that was invented in the 60's.
Click to expand...

Very true, but with the creation and perfection of "the divorce machine," this problem has become a convenient money-maker. I applaud your sensibilities on the topic. Don't see a lot of that around here, with any sincerity behind it. Most prevalent current philosophy among the "professionals" is, "Women have their rights." (A brilliant statement, when you are trying to address this problem.) I believe they should rightly append, " - and I am going to make some money with that!" :mad:

To the OP, all I can say is it is very important that you do your best. Like Cajunlawyer says, your son will be watching. Any second could literally be the bolt from the blue that will be an opportunity to let him down, so keep your guard up. Good luck.
 
Am I the only one that remembers one of the classic episodes of All in the Family ( Edith's Problem) and how Archie dealt with it ?
Check u tube, or just google Edith's problem.

Hope this helps.:D
 
CAJUNLAWYER said:
It always saddens me when I hear of or see marriages breaking apart. After all, at one time the two of you were so much in love that you promised to stay with each other forever no matter what. People need to realize that this is nothing that hasn't been going on for all time-menopause ain't something that was invented in the 60's. GUys don't understand ( I know I don't) that women need to talk and have someone listen. They don't want answers for the most part, they just want to takl and have someone listen. Took me the longest time to figure this out and accept it. Men internalize and can't understand why women can't do it as well. Thery are hardwired different than us. I found that letting my wife chatter on for 15 minutes or so when I got home and get it off her chest was the best thing I could do even though it was like letting her stick an ice pick through my ear. Guys on the otherhand vent by being alone doing whatever.
This is very important for your son in how you handle this as it will shape the way he handles it when it's his turn. If she is in the change you have been married long nough to sit her down and say "Hey, you need some help-what can I do?" Enlist her friends, or family-there are things that can be done. Growing old is hard enough, it's harder to do it alone-and if you're like me, you're too old to break in another one :D

No easy answers here amigo-life ain't that way; but remember your wedding day and the promises you made to each other-here is where they come in.
Click to expand...

Don't get too sad...I ain't give up yet.

I will admit that this marriage is like a ship breaking apart in a storm and slowly sinking....I'm the only person manning the bilge pumps...and pumping like a fool with no hands left to plug the leaks!

Somebody better spell me soon!!
 
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