ASK A STUPID QUESTION

[nachogrande]

Anybody else tired of being asked stupid questions by banks, ammo salesmen etc. maybe it's just cuz I'm a major smartazz but I believe if you ask a stupid question, that's none of your biz to start with, that you DESERVE an equally stupid answer. I'll give you a couple of mine, some stolen some my own work. to the ammo sellers that ask if I'm gonna use the ammo in a rifle, or pistol. I say "neither I line them up in the driveway and hit them with a hammer (stolen). for the banks that ask what I plan to use my own money that I withdraw for. (req'd now on anything over 10,000$) the answer is lap dances, expensive hookers, or I light my Cubans with 100$ bills. my favorite was recently. I was getting a free money order from Amscot to buy a shotgun out of state on gunbroker, the young girl behind the bulletproof glass asked what I was using the $ for (it was only 800$), but there were plenty of other customers and kids around and I didn't want ALL to hear I was buying a gun. I kind of leaned in closer to the counter but still loud enough for others to hear said "I'm trying to be discreet, but it's for an ADULT PRODUCT" well you should have seen all the heads spin, a few laughed, the counter girl blushed and some women shielded their kids from THE PERV. did I lie?

 

[timn8er]

What's really funny is when you ask them what they need the info for. When you deviate from the questions they are programmed to ask a lot of them don't know what to do. I told one cashier once that I would answer her questions if she would answer all of mine, & she immediately gave me my total & said goodbye!

 

[sipowicz]

I was going to give the money to you as a tip for incredible service but now you ruined the surprise...so just hand it over.

 

[Mickey D]

There's no room for another smart*** here.

 

[carpriver]

when the clerk ask me are you going to use this in a hand gun or rifle, I ask "what do you recommend?" I made a withdrawal from my savings; a couple of grand, the teller asked what it was for I replied for my sex change operation. When I go into a fast food joint they ask it this for here or to go? I say no it's for over there ask I point to a table, if I eat it here people bump in to me.

 

[sipowicz]

On a related note, I can't stand when corporate tells their employees how to greet their customers. I was at the bank the other day and the teller asked me "and how is your day going?" Innocuous enough until I heard the next teller say the same something. Once I knew it was a stock greeting I loudly commented on it in front of everyone on line so they couldn't use it again. Then I went into the supermarket the next day and the same line again...I asked the checker who told her to say that....she smiled and I said to her, it's okay, I know it comes from corporate, but it sounds silly if everyone uses it. I then asked her if she wouldn't rather make up her own greeting to her customers and she nodded. After I was done, she told me to have a nice day...I said thanks, but I'll have any kind of day I want...she was taken aback, then realized I was joking.

 

[walkin jack]

The only place I've ever been asked if my ammo was for a rifle or a pistol was at WalMart. When buying .22 (back in the old days when you STILL COULD buy .22 ammo at WalMart) The checker asks if it's for a rifle or pistol I say, "both". I love to watch their faces as the confusion sets in. But sir, I need to know if it's for a rifle or a pistol. I repeat that it's for both. A couple of times the checker called for a manager and he'd ask me if it was for a rifle or a pistol. I just look him in the they eye with a blank look on my face and say "Both". No matter how many times they ask me I just say one word....BOTH. They finally just give up and take my money and cut me loose. That's a lot of fun.

 

[carpriver]

WHen I am told to have a" Nice Day" or a" Great Day" I ask if I don't will you come cheer me up or I'll say "your putting a lot of pressure on me that I don't need right now"

WHen in a restaurant they ask" What can I get you to drink". I say liquid

 

[wuluf]

When I call and ask for someone, the receptionist will say: "May I ask who's calling?" I always answer: "Sure, go ahead."

My dad used to say: "There are no stupid questions, just stupid people who won't go away""...

 

[feralmerril]

I was in costco and some woman was pushing some off brand tissue. I couldnt help myself and quipped, "Get in the groove. Use charmin tissue." She acted confusied like whats that mean?

 

[shouldazagged]

When asked, usually condescendingly by younger people, "How's life treating you?" I respond, "Damn seldom." Some never do work it out.

 

[jgh4445]

Waitress: How do you like your eggs?
Customer: I like 'em just fine.
Waitress: How do you like them cooked?
Customer: I like them that way too!

 

[slfree]

This is great. Like you know, a filling station for wise a**es. I will use many of these proudly. Thanks again and you guys have a nice day...

 

[slfree]

Sometimes they fight back.
Dennys waitress: What can I get you?
Me: Creamed Elephant on toast.
Waitress: Sorry sir were all out of toast.

 

[NYlakesider]

This was back in the days when business actually answered their phone, now it's all voice mail or Email (which IMNSHO is just an excuse to never call back)

One of my favorites was calling a business and asking is "Mr. Smith" there. The reply is whose calling. My next reply is; does who I am or who I'm not determine if I talk to "Mr. Smith" today, remember I asked you the first question IS HE HERE TODAY. After a pregnant pause, I normally got a very terse I will connect you.

I have many others but to save the Mods some work I will not put them on here!

 

[NZshooter]

The other day my PITA manger asked "where's Jim?" I said "gym". He said "yeah, Jim" I said "gym". He's said "that's what I asked" I said "you mean Jim?" reply "yeah, Jim" I replied "I just told you, gym".

This went on for about 2 minutes, it was like Abbott & Costello "who's on first?" It was GREAT.

 

[mjr]

when the clerk ask me are you going to use this in a hand gun or rifle, I ask "what do you recommend?"

GREAT response!

 

[chud333]

when the clerk ask me are you going to use this in a hand gun or rifle, I ask "what do you recommend?" I made a withdrawal from my savings; a couple of grand, the teller asked what it was for I replied for my sex change operation. When I go into a fast food joint they ask it this for here or to go? I say no it's for over there ask I point to a table, if I eat it here people bump in to me.

I like the way you think, Sir. I believe you and I would get
along really well. Good ones i'll have to remember.

Chuck

 

[Foodfuzz]

Sometimes people will say, "Hi, what do ya know?" I might answer, "No, I'm not, and there's one thing I know!" I...I....I just can't remember what it was."

 

[vigil617]

Waitress: How do you like your eggs?
Customer: I like 'em just fine.
Waitress: How do you like them cooked?
Customer: I like them that way too!

Related, but a little different, and one I can seldom resist:

Server: What will you have, sir?

Me: I'll have the steak.

Server: How would you like that cooked?

Me: (wide eyed with joy) That'd be GREAT!"