I am sure I am going to die from Dounutitis and I know I am almost broke from Smithitis and Marlinitis, today I fell off of the wagon again and bought another gun, today it was Remingtonitis
Annoyed at thread drift
- Thread starter geddylee10002000
- Start date
- Status
I am sure I am going to die from Dounutitis and I know I am almost broke from Smithitis and Marlinitis, today I fell off of the wagon again and bought another gun, today it was Remingtonitis
My wife started singing along with it. I played it twice because I like to hear her sing, she's got a great voice. I think it's an Italian thing.
A guy comes home from work, runs into the living room, and flops down in front of the TV.
He quickly turns it on and starts flipping through the channels.
His wife walks into the living room and the guys says to her, "Wife, hurry up and get me a beer before it starts!"
The wife goes to the fridge, cracks a beer and gives it to her husband.
The husband slams down the beer, gives her the empty, and tells her, "Hurry up and get me another one! It's gonna start soon!"
The wife goes to the fridge, gets another beer, cracks it open, and takes it to her husband.
The guy slams the beer again, gives her the empty, and says, "Hurry up and get me 1 more beer, it's gonna start ANY minute!"
The wife, getting upset, goes to the fridge, gets him a beer, cracks it open, gives it to her husband and says "You know, all you ever do around here is come home from work, sit in front of the TV, bark orders at me, drink beer..."
The guy, hearing his wife complaining, sips his beer, sighs, and says, "YEP, IT'S STARTED!"
He quickly turns it on and starts flipping through the channels.
His wife walks into the living room and the guys says to her, "Wife, hurry up and get me a beer before it starts!"
The wife goes to the fridge, cracks a beer and gives it to her husband.
The husband slams down the beer, gives her the empty, and tells her, "Hurry up and get me another one! It's gonna start soon!"
The wife goes to the fridge, gets another beer, cracks it open, and takes it to her husband.
The guy slams the beer again, gives her the empty, and says, "Hurry up and get me 1 more beer, it's gonna start ANY minute!"
The wife, getting upset, goes to the fridge, gets him a beer, cracks it open, gives it to her husband and says "You know, all you ever do around here is come home from work, sit in front of the TV, bark orders at me, drink beer..."
The guy, hearing his wife complaining, sips his beer, sighs, and says, "YEP, IT'S STARTED!"
vonn
US Veteran
All of those are cumulative afflictions and take years of practice and lots of ammo to cure. All that can be done is to keep them clean and well oiled lest rustitis also afflicts you.
How many personal injury lawyers does it take to screw in a light-bulb?
Three.
One to change the bulb, one to shake him off the ladder, and one to sue the ladder company.
Three.
One to change the bulb, one to shake him off the ladder, and one to sue the ladder company.
vonn
US Veteran
Good one two Snubby,I saw it coming and still had to laugh!
A man found a brass lamp, rubbed it vigorously, and a genie appeared.
"For freeing me from the lamp, I will grant you any wish you desire," the genie said.
The man replied, "I want a spectacular job. A challenge that no man has ever succeeded at or has ever even dared try."
"Poof!" Said the genie. "You're a housewife."
"For freeing me from the lamp, I will grant you any wish you desire," the genie said.
The man replied, "I want a spectacular job. A challenge that no man has ever succeeded at or has ever even dared try."
"Poof!" Said the genie. "You're a housewife."
A bent-over old lady hobbled into a doctor's office.
Within minutes, she came out again but miraculously, she was standing up as straight as could be.
A man in the waiting room who had been watching her said in amazement; "My goodness, what did the doctor do to you?"
The old lady replied, "He gave me a longer cane!"
Within minutes, she came out again but miraculously, she was standing up as straight as could be.
A man in the waiting room who had been watching her said in amazement; "My goodness, what did the doctor do to you?"
The old lady replied, "He gave me a longer cane!"
"Is there anything wrong?" asked bartender of the young, well-dressed customer who sat staring grimly into his drink.
"Two months ago my grandfather died and left me one- hundred thousand dollars" said the man.
"That doesn't sound like anything to be upset about," said the bartender. "It should happen to me."
"Yeah," said the sour young man, "but last month an uncle on my father's side passed away. He left me ninety-five thousand dollars."
"So why are you sitting here looking so unhappy?" Asked the bartender.
"This month – so far – not a cent."
"Two months ago my grandfather died and left me one- hundred thousand dollars" said the man.
"That doesn't sound like anything to be upset about," said the bartender. "It should happen to me."
"Yeah," said the sour young man, "but last month an uncle on my father's side passed away. He left me ninety-five thousand dollars."
"So why are you sitting here looking so unhappy?" Asked the bartender.
"This month – so far – not a cent."
New
Senior's Exam, you only need 4 correct out of 10
questions to pass.
1) How
long did the Hundred Years' War
last?
2)
Which country makes Panama hats?
3) From
which animal do we get cat gut?
4) In
which month do Russians celebrate the October
Revolution?
5) What
is a camel's hair brush made of?
6) The
Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what
animal?
7) What
was King George VI's first name?
8) What
color is a purple finch?
9)
Where are Chinese gooseberries
from?
10)
What is the color of the black box in a commercial
airplane?
Remember,
you need only 4 correct answers to
pass.
Check
your answers below
....
ANSWERS
TO THE QUIZ
1)
How long did the Hundred Years War
last?
116
years
2)
Which country makes Panama
hats?
Ecuador
3)
From which animal do we get cat
gut?
Sheep
and Horses
4)
In which month do Russians celebrate the October
Revolution?
November
5)
What is a camel's hair brush made
of?
Squirrel
fur
6)
The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after
what animal?
Dogs
7)
What was King George VI's first
name?
Albert
8
) What color is a purple finch?
Crimson
9)
Where are Chinese gooseberries
from?
New
Zealand
10)
What is the color of the black box in a commercial
airplane?
Orange
(of course)
Senior's Exam, you only need 4 correct out of 10
questions to pass.
1) How
long did the Hundred Years' War
last?
2)
Which country makes Panama hats?
3) From
which animal do we get cat gut?
4) In
which month do Russians celebrate the October
Revolution?
5) What
is a camel's hair brush made of?
6) The
Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what
animal?
7) What
was King George VI's first name?
8) What
color is a purple finch?
9)
Where are Chinese gooseberries
from?
10)
What is the color of the black box in a commercial
airplane?
Remember,
you need only 4 correct answers to
pass.
Check
your answers below
....
ANSWERS
TO THE QUIZ
1)
How long did the Hundred Years War
last?
116
years
2)
Which country makes Panama
hats?
Ecuador
3)
From which animal do we get cat
gut?
Sheep
and Horses
4)
In which month do Russians celebrate the October
Revolution?
November
5)
What is a camel's hair brush made
of?
Squirrel
fur
6)
The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after
what animal?
Dogs
7)
What was King George VI's first
name?
Albert
8
) What color is a purple finch?
Crimson
9)
Where are Chinese gooseberries
from?
New
Zealand
10)
What is the color of the black box in a commercial
airplane?
Orange
(of course)
A funeral procession pulled into a cemetery. Several carloads of family members followed a black truck towing a boat with a coffin in it.
A passer-by remarked, "That guy must have been a very avid fisherman."
"Oh, he still is," remarked one of the mourners. As a matter of fact, he's headed off to the lake as soon as we bury his wife."
Ever wonder why Mayberry was such a friendly little town?
Because everyone living there was single!!
Andy
Barney
Aunt Bea
Gomer
Goober
Floyd
Howard
Earnest T Bass
Helen
Thelma Lou
Warren
Millie
Ellie
Clara
The entire Darling clan
Heck, the only one married was Otis - and he stayed drunk !!
Because everyone living there was single!!
Andy
Barney
Aunt Bea
Gomer
Goober
Floyd
Howard
Earnest T Bass
Helen
Thelma Lou
Warren
Millie
Ellie
Clara
The entire Darling clan
Heck, the only one married was Otis - and he stayed drunk !!
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a jewelry box to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables. After just a few seconds, clear as a bell, he heard "Jesus is watching you."
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
"Did you say that?" He hissed at the parrot.
"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."
The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"
"Moses," replied the bird.
"Moses?" The burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"
Suddenly, he felt a giant shadow materializing behind him.
"The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus."
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables. After just a few seconds, clear as a bell, he heard "Jesus is watching you."
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
"Did you say that?" He hissed at the parrot.
"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."
The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"
"Moses," replied the bird.
"Moses?" The burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"
Suddenly, he felt a giant shadow materializing behind him.
"The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus."
vonn
US Veteran
Had a good laugh and now to sleep,hope Jesus watches over me.
boatme99
Member
boatme99, looks a little low to the right
That's "dip", as in strike and dip. Or is it it strike? Geo. was a looong time ago.
That's an ancient sea bed (Cretateous I think). If you look closely, around western Alberta, you can find remnants of prehistoric Tiki bars and clam shacks.
- Status
Similar threads
