Any original you might be a redneck if Jokes?
- Thread starter cmore
- Start date
skeetshooter
Member
YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN A REDNECK
CHURCH WHEN..........................
1. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if the finance
committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of
a chandelier because none of the members knows how to
play one.
2. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if people ask,
when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the
two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used
to catch 'em.
3. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if when the
pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up
the offering," five guys and two women stand up.
4. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if opening day
of deer season is recognized as an official church
holiday.
5. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if a member of
the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive
truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't
get out of."
6. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if the choir is
known as the "OK Chorale."
7. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if in a
congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last
names in the church directory.
8. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if people think
"rapture" is what you get when you lift something too
heavy.
9. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if the baptismal
pool is a #2 galvanized "Wheeling" washtub.
CHURCH WHEN..........................
1. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if the finance
committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of
a chandelier because none of the members knows how to
play one.
2. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if people ask,
when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the
two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used
to catch 'em.
3. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if when the
pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up
the offering," five guys and two women stand up.
4. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if opening day
of deer season is recognized as an official church
holiday.
5. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if a member of
the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive
truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't
get out of."
6. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if the choir is
known as the "OK Chorale."
7. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if in a
congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last
names in the church directory.
8. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if people think
"rapture" is what you get when you lift something too
heavy.
9. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if the baptismal
pool is a #2 galvanized "Wheeling" washtub.
scooter123
Member
You might be a redneck it the first thing you do with a brand spanking new Jeep is put it up on blocks and start "improving" it. You are a redneck if it never comes off those blocks.
sea
Member
red neck
If you can't find the rocking chairs on your front porch.
If you can't find the rocking chairs on your front porch.
Capt Steve
US Veteran
- Joined
- Mar 17, 2008
- Messages
- 1,678
- Reaction score
- 3,014
and it is upon cinder blocks! (o;
handejector
Staff member
- Joined
- Mar 17, 2005
- Messages
- 26,134
- Reaction score
- 47,054
Anyone dumb enuff to marry a woman that is inconsidrit enuff to plan a weddin widout considrin opnin day dezervs whut he got.Hell, now that I think about it, the last opening day I missed was 28 years ago and the reason for that is that I got Married the night before-still getting grief about that one
model70hunter
Member
Anyone dumb enuff to marry a woman that is inconsidrit enuff to plan a weddin widout considrin opnin day dezervs whut he got.
Yep. I agree. All of my kids were instructed to never consider Deer season as an option for nuptuials as me and my check book will be in the woods.
model70hunter
Member
Would a 2nd gen red neck be like if your dad and his sister moved to LA during the dust bowl and you only call mom aunty when you're mad at her?
truckemup97
Member
My wife says I am the original "You might be a Redneck if..."
bobsdad
US Veteran
Do we qualify? My wife sharpens a chainsaw better than I can.
Lomax Anderson
Member
charlie sherrill
Member
I don't know if I should start on this or not. This is from actual experiences. It could last awhile. All of the stuff below should start with "you might be a redneck if"....
1-You've duct taped the spoiler on your rusty groundslide that is riding on four "doughnut" spare tires.
2-You move in your baby momma's momma to get even with the baby momma for sleeping with your room mate. They're still together sorta..he's been in jail since October, but she still comes to see him when she's sober. She actually came to visit drunk once and was convinced not to do that again.
3-You call in a complaint and when the deputy gets there you have a meth/crack pipe sticking out of your pocket. This has happened more than once.
4-You ask a LEO to jump-start a stolen car.
5-You leave your state ID card at the scene of a burglary. He didn't qualify for a driver's license.
6-You've been married to your first cousin for 50 years and can't figure out why your children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren act so stupid.
7-You won't keep your alligator, pitbull, rattlesnake, bull, goats, or children on your own property.
8-You give all eight of your children the same first name (George Foreman did not invent this) and call them by the second name.
9-Your children have visable tapeworms. I actually called an ambulance and DHS at the same time on this one.
10-Every house you've ever lived in burned down. I know several like this and they don't necessarily benefit financially when it happens.
11-None of the cars you own that still run have mufflers...or insurance...or a tag that matches the car.
12-Your idea of eating out involves vienna sausage and orange soda in the parking lot of a gas station.
13-You go to a gunshow for the free snuff samples. (I did this yesterday)
14-Moonshine is harder to get than meth.
15-Your wealth is perceived by the number of junk cars in your yard.
16-You are considered uppity if you mow your lawn.
17-A virgin is also the star on the track team.
18-You chastise your 14 year old daughter for smoking in front of her children at the dinner table.
19-Everybody loads up to go visit Momma on Mother's Day...at the prison. She got there for killing Daddy so they go to the graveyard on Father's Day.
20-You spend a lot of money on a chandelier (sp?)....for a doublewide trailer.
21-You get three DUI's in four days and don't think there is a problem. My ex-wife called me about this last week concerning her brother.
22-You get most of your wardrobe from gunshows. I'm guilty of this.
23-You have a roofing hammer engraved on your headstone. He died of an overdose.
24-You consider yourself a CEO just because you sold a lot of dope before you got caught.
25-You have chickens in your yard to teach your kids how to walk.
26-You throw your kid in the creek to see if he knows how to swim and he doesn't.
27-You've ever had an explosion in a house or a trailer because you were too screwed up to follow the directions.
28-You are first cousin to your girlfriend and have a couple of "practice kids" to see if they turn out OK and they don't and you marry her anyway.
29-Your ragged trailer/shack has a trampoline with a slit down the middle, a Camero on blocks, and one of those old gigantic metal satellite dishes in the yard.
30-Yard ornaments are previous appliances.
31-There's not a sign on your road that doesn't have bullet holes in it.
32-You think you are making a profit every time you take beer cans to the scrapyard.
It's bedtime now.
1-You've duct taped the spoiler on your rusty groundslide that is riding on four "doughnut" spare tires.
2-You move in your baby momma's momma to get even with the baby momma for sleeping with your room mate. They're still together sorta..he's been in jail since October, but she still comes to see him when she's sober. She actually came to visit drunk once and was convinced not to do that again.
3-You call in a complaint and when the deputy gets there you have a meth/crack pipe sticking out of your pocket. This has happened more than once.
4-You ask a LEO to jump-start a stolen car.
5-You leave your state ID card at the scene of a burglary. He didn't qualify for a driver's license.
6-You've been married to your first cousin for 50 years and can't figure out why your children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren act so stupid.
7-You won't keep your alligator, pitbull, rattlesnake, bull, goats, or children on your own property.
8-You give all eight of your children the same first name (George Foreman did not invent this) and call them by the second name.
9-Your children have visable tapeworms. I actually called an ambulance and DHS at the same time on this one.
10-Every house you've ever lived in burned down. I know several like this and they don't necessarily benefit financially when it happens.
11-None of the cars you own that still run have mufflers...or insurance...or a tag that matches the car.
12-Your idea of eating out involves vienna sausage and orange soda in the parking lot of a gas station.
13-You go to a gunshow for the free snuff samples. (I did this yesterday)
14-Moonshine is harder to get than meth.
15-Your wealth is perceived by the number of junk cars in your yard.
16-You are considered uppity if you mow your lawn.
17-A virgin is also the star on the track team.
18-You chastise your 14 year old daughter for smoking in front of her children at the dinner table.
19-Everybody loads up to go visit Momma on Mother's Day...at the prison. She got there for killing Daddy so they go to the graveyard on Father's Day.
20-You spend a lot of money on a chandelier (sp?)....for a doublewide trailer.
21-You get three DUI's in four days and don't think there is a problem. My ex-wife called me about this last week concerning her brother.
22-You get most of your wardrobe from gunshows. I'm guilty of this.
23-You have a roofing hammer engraved on your headstone. He died of an overdose.
24-You consider yourself a CEO just because you sold a lot of dope before you got caught.
25-You have chickens in your yard to teach your kids how to walk.
26-You throw your kid in the creek to see if he knows how to swim and he doesn't.
27-You've ever had an explosion in a house or a trailer because you were too screwed up to follow the directions.
28-You are first cousin to your girlfriend and have a couple of "practice kids" to see if they turn out OK and they don't and you marry her anyway.
29-Your ragged trailer/shack has a trampoline with a slit down the middle, a Camero on blocks, and one of those old gigantic metal satellite dishes in the yard.
30-Yard ornaments are previous appliances.
31-There's not a sign on your road that doesn't have bullet holes in it.
32-You think you are making a profit every time you take beer cans to the scrapyard.
It's bedtime now.
jhvaughan2
Member
- Joined
- Jun 12, 2009
- Messages
- 366
- Reaction score
- 119
Whew! 
Mr. Sherrill;
You may have cross the boundary.
I think a few of those are slanderous to Redneckdom.
No truer words than "Stupid is as Stupid does."
Mr. Sherrill;
You may have cross the boundary.
I think a few of those are slanderous to Redneckdom.
No truer words than "Stupid is as Stupid does."
JcMack
Member
#8 rings true. Grandma always called me Richard, my middle name. Jimmie was the first name of most of the males in my family. My father and one uncle were picked up "by the side of the road" and added to the family during the depression. My father got lucky at the namin. My uncle was named "Cloise Nemo". Cloise rhymes with Joice. First and second name. He was always called CN. Truly badass folks. Grandma was the one of the nicest people I've ever known. She was a church goin lady. Me an my cousin Jimmie Joe would play in the barn and gramma would always warn us if she saw a copperhead in the barn when she milked the cow that morning. She took those lumpy green things that look like oranges (only green) I think she called em hedge apples, cut em in half and dryed them out. Then she painted them like flowers. She put a coat hanger stem in them and "planted" them in the claw foot bath tubs in front of the house. I remember the storm celler had 3 feet of water in it and turtles swimming around down there.
Last edited:
YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK WHEN.......
* YOU LET YOUR 14-YEAR OLD DAUGHTER SMOKE AT THE DINNER TABLE IN FRONT OF HER KIDS.
*THE BLUE BOOK VALUE OF YOUR TRUCK GOES UP AND DOWN DEPENDING ON HOW MUCH GAS IS IN IT.
*YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED THREE TIMES AND STILL HAVE THE SAME IN-LAWS.
*YOU THINK A WOMAN WHO IS "OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE" BOWLS ON A DIFFERENT NIGHT.
*YOU WONDER HOW GAS STATIONS KEEP THEIR REST ROOMS SO CLEAN.
*SOMEONE IN YOUR FAMILY DIED RIGHT AFTER SAYING, "HEY, Y'ALL, WATCH THIS."
*YOU THINK DOM PERIGNON IS A MAFIA LEADER.
*YOUR WIFE'S HAIRDO WAS RUINED BY A CEILING FAN.
*YOUR JUNIOR PROM OFFERED DAY CARE.
*YOU THINK THE LAST WORDS OF THE "STAR-SPANGLED BANNER" ARE "GENTLEMEN START YOUR ENGINES."
*YOU LIT A MATCH IN THE BATHROOM AND YOUR HOUSE EXPLODED RIGHT OFF IT'S WHEELS.
*THE HALOWEEN PUMPKIN ON YOUR PORCH HAS MORE TEETH THAN YOUR SPOUSE.
*YOU HAVE TO GO OUTSIDE TO GET SOMETHING OUT OF THE FRIDGE.
*ONE OF YOUR KIDS WAS BORN ON THE POOL TABLE.
*YOU THINK LOADING THE DISHWASHER IS GETTING YOUR WIFE DRUNK.
* YOU LET YOUR 14-YEAR OLD DAUGHTER SMOKE AT THE DINNER TABLE IN FRONT OF HER KIDS.
*THE BLUE BOOK VALUE OF YOUR TRUCK GOES UP AND DOWN DEPENDING ON HOW MUCH GAS IS IN IT.
*YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED THREE TIMES AND STILL HAVE THE SAME IN-LAWS.
*YOU THINK A WOMAN WHO IS "OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE" BOWLS ON A DIFFERENT NIGHT.
*YOU WONDER HOW GAS STATIONS KEEP THEIR REST ROOMS SO CLEAN.
*SOMEONE IN YOUR FAMILY DIED RIGHT AFTER SAYING, "HEY, Y'ALL, WATCH THIS."
*YOU THINK DOM PERIGNON IS A MAFIA LEADER.
*YOUR WIFE'S HAIRDO WAS RUINED BY A CEILING FAN.
*YOUR JUNIOR PROM OFFERED DAY CARE.
*YOU THINK THE LAST WORDS OF THE "STAR-SPANGLED BANNER" ARE "GENTLEMEN START YOUR ENGINES."
*YOU LIT A MATCH IN THE BATHROOM AND YOUR HOUSE EXPLODED RIGHT OFF IT'S WHEELS.
*THE HALOWEEN PUMPKIN ON YOUR PORCH HAS MORE TEETH THAN YOUR SPOUSE.
*YOU HAVE TO GO OUTSIDE TO GET SOMETHING OUT OF THE FRIDGE.
*ONE OF YOUR KIDS WAS BORN ON THE POOL TABLE.
*YOU THINK LOADING THE DISHWASHER IS GETTING YOUR WIFE DRUNK.
jframe
Member
Wow! Charlie, you outdid yourself with those! Wish I knew Foxworthy's phone number; he'd use those in a MINUTE!
Similar threads
- Locked
