How old is too old to live at home?

[Pop's2]

A recent study found 33% of 18-34 year old are living at home or with a relative.

Both my sister and I were out the door after high school.

Of our 3 kids they left after graduation but came back at least once and brought more with them (spouse and kids in one case)

 

[cowart]

1968, 18 years old I moved out to live with a relative, Uncle Sam! Three hots, a cot and 98 tax free dollars a month! Throw in cheap haircuts and free dental and life was good.

Yes, going into the military was good for me. The only thing I didn't like was that those haircuts were NOT optional.

 

[RSanch111]

I don't buy the idea that college loans are going to disable the next generation. What's going to disable them is thinking they have to get a college degree to make a living. If you have to rely totally on loans to get a liberal arts degree, maybe you should think about other ways to finance college. Or maybe you should think of a job that doesn't require a creampuff "communications" degree to get hired.

Math, Science and Engineering are the way to go if you have to finance a degree, and I've taught my kids that for YEARS.

And there are a ton of ways to get someone else to pay for your degree. My kids both get 4.0 GPA's and higher, depending on their level of AP and Honors classes. But I'm divorced and can't afford to pay their whole way through college without seriously impacting my standard of living. My way of life has already been seriously changed as a result of their mother running around on me. Prior to that, I paid for private grade school and high school and although I give them all the credit in the word for their grades, I like to think I played a small part in it.

My ex is collecting almost half of my pension and I was forced to retire because of this. As far as I'm concerned, the 30k per year she's taking is "college tuition" and I'm not shy about letting my 18 year-old know this

Other than that I promised my kids they would get at least enough tuition from me for 2 years of local community college. There are plenty of jobs you can get with a 2-year degree. I was a cop for 30 years with NO degree. And the city i worked for would pay for half of my tuition up to a masters degree, REGARDLESS of my major. There's no reason a kid can't get a job as a cop and then work his way through school.

And then there's the military. They have excellent programs to finance college.

And then there are the smart kids who insist on going to a school that befits their smartness. My kid wants to go to the University of Michigan, and she'll probably be accepted. But she could also apply to several smaller, less prestigious schools and get a full ride. Her choice.

You can also get on public assistance when in college. Nothing wrong with "food stamps" for college kids, as far as I'm concerned. I'd rather pay for that than for three generations of welfare families who never went to college.

There are hundreds of ways to pay for college for those who really want to go. My beef is with the people who insist on going to college because "it's the thing to do" or because "mom and dad did so I have to", who have zero plans or zero goals. If you "don't know what you want to be when you grow up" maybe you shouldn't go to college right away.

Also, there's nothing wrong with working in the trades. I know a helicopter pilot and mechanic who worked his way through technical school without ever having gone to "college". I also know trade school graduates who make big money as everything from clay modelers to plumbers.

I think too many kids have too narrow a vision as to how to make a living in this world and how to get by in life because their parents have taught them the formula is: "Don't get arrested in high school, get mediocre grades taking un-challenging classes and then get a liberal arts degree at the local state college, that we'll pay for, and you'll be fine." Instead of teaching them about hard work, knowing what you need to do to get what you want, and most of all, how to live within your means and plan for DELAYED GRATIFICATION!!!! You don't need to have a new car and a 4 bedroom house when you're 30 years old if you didn't plan for how to pay for it starting when you were 18 years old!

And least of all, your parents, let alone "the world" don't "owe" you anything when you're an adult. Anything you get from your parents or any luck that comes your way when you're out in the world is a BONUS. I think what is going to "kill" the next generation is a narcissistic entitlement mentality and an attitude that the someone deserve instant gratification because they have some sort of lame-*** liberal arts degree that didn't teach them ANYTHING useful and merely contributed to the continuance of academia.

 

[RJJ 1971]

I don't buy the idea that college loans are going to disable the next generation. What's going to disable them is thinking they have to get a college degree to make a living. If you have to rely totally on loans to get a liberal arts degree, maybe you should think about other ways to finance college. Or maybe you should think of a job that doesn't require a creampuff "communications" degree to get hired.

Math, Science and Engineering are the way to go if you have to finance a degree, and I've taught my kids that for YEARS.

And there are a ton of ways to get someone else to pay for your degree. My kids both get 4.0 GPA's and higher, depending on their level of AP and Honors classes. But I'm divorced and can't afford to pay their whole way through college without seriously impacting my standard of living. My way of life has already been seriously changed as a result of their mother running around on me. Prior to that, I paid for private grade school and high school and although I give them all the credit in the word for their grades, I like to think I played a small part in it.

My ex is collecting almost half of my pension and I was forced to retire because of this. As far as I'm concerned, the 30k per year she's taking is "college tuition" and I'm not shy about letting my 18 year-old know this

Other than that I promised my kids they would get at least enough tuition from me for 2 years of local community college. There are plenty of jobs you can get with a 2-year degree. I was a cop for 30 years with NO degree. And the city i worked for would pay for half of my tuition up to a masters degree, REGARDLESS of my major. There's no reason a kid can't get a job as a cop and then work his way through school.

And then there's the military. They have excellent programs to finance college.

And then there are the smart kids who insist on going to a school that befits their smartness. My kid wants to go to the University of Michigan, and she'll probably be accepted. But she could also apply to several smaller, less prestigious schools and get a full ride. Her choice.

You can also get on public assistance when in college. Nothing wrong with "food stamps" for college kids, as far as I'm concerned. I'd rather pay for that than for three generations of welfare families who never went to college.

There are hundreds of ways to pay for college for those who really want to go. My beef is with the people who insist on going to college because "it's the thing to do" or because "mom and dad did so I have to", who have zero plans or zero goals. If you "don't know what you want to be when you grow up" maybe you shouldn't go to college right away.

Also, there's nothing wrong with working in the trades. I know a helicopter pilot and mechanic who worked his way through technical school without ever having gone to "college". I also know trade school graduates who make big money as everything from clay modelers to plumbers.

I think too many kids have too narrow a vision as to how to make a living in this world and how to get by in life because their parents have taught them the formula is: "Don't get arrested in high school, get mediocre grades taking un-challenging classes and then get a liberal arts degree at the local state college, that we'll pay for, and you'll be fine." Instead of teaching them about hard work, knowing what you need to do to get what you want, and most of all, how to live within your means and plan for DELAYED GRATIFICATION!!!! You don't need to have a new car and a 4 bedroom house when you're 30 years old if you didn't plan for how to pay for it starting when you were 18 years old!

And least of all, your parents, let alone "the world" don't "owe" you anything when you're an adult. Anything you get from your parents or any luck that comes your way when you're out in the world is a BONUS. I think what is going to "kill" the next generation is a narcissistic entitlement mentality and an attitude that the someone deserve instant gratification because they have some sort of lame-*** liberal arts degree that didn't teach them ANYTHING useful and merely contributed to the continuance of academia.

Wish i could like this quote 10 times!

My parents tried to give me what they could and I tried to appreciate it. Buying your adult childs love (because of your insecurities) as a parent. Doesn't do anything but enable that child to interact with others, for the rest of their life. Thats just it - life isn't and can't be easy the whole time.

 

[blujax01]

I'm sorry - what was the question again?

 

[labworm]

My cousin's son is 47 years old and they can't get rid of him.

I love visiting with him and enjoy his comments.

 

[CoMF]

When I still lived at home after high school, I fed and clothed myself and chipped in by doing electrical and plumbing repairs. If my stepson plans to do the same, we made it very clear to him that steady employment with long-term goals of going into a skilled trade are not an option if he wants to continue living under our roof. Heck, he could get a CDL and make tons of money as an interstate trucker, limited only by his ambition if he wanted.

I tend to view college as a scam with generally poor returns on what most people invest into their sheepskin diploma. My only regret was not going to Voc Tech instead of taking the nonsense academic track back when I was still in school. I could've gotten into my chosen field much sooner.

Skilled trades are not a "consolation prize." I make a livable wage that's more than what a lot of college educated kids get slaving away in office cubicles, plus I have zero student debt.

 

[LVSteve]

Start asking for their share of the bills.

 

[model70hunter]

A contractor from Arkansas was installing a telephone switch for us. Smart guy but he had the real slow southerndelivery. One day someone said their kid was graduating from high school and was wanting ideas. Mr contractor said I just bought mine a uhaul gift certificate. We thinking he was kidding laughed. He said nope the minute hegraduates he packs and leaves, wild child dont want him b a ck until he matures.

So a few years later I told my last child at home the story. Repeated it over and over uhaul will be your graduation gift. Big HS they held the graduation in the St. Charles Mo family center. The graduates were ther early. As we walked in the Center was unloading more chairs from a uhaul. Afger vraduation, pictures etc we walked outside.

The devil made me do it. I said Chels, there is your graduation present.mthe keys are in it. Her jaw cropped, she had the shocked face look, like omg he was not kidding. All the fam got a good laugh.

She did improve, she was always a good worker and knew how to make money and manage it, slight party gene, she wanted to go away to a name brand university. My wife said nope you will do well at your job but without us to flip you out of bed in the am you will flunk out.

Said stay in our house, go to the local juco and I will help some. I will hep more for the big u iversity. After getting her 2 year juco degree she stayed with us and finished her last 2 years in a pivate university, then did 18 months more to get her MBA. Ended up being a bank vp until she started her own business.

I think her mind went blank staring at the uhaul. She got way better after that

 

[mike from st pete]

Two Brothers

I know of two brothers that only left their parent's home when they got drafted. Returned and never left after being discharged. One is deceased now and both parents are long dead. I'm talking late into their 70s.

 

[A10]

I couldn't much stand to live at home after I turned 18. I was in and out until I was 21 however, out when working and in when going to college. Mom and Dad took me out on my 21st birthday for a drink. Fortunately the bartender didn't admit to recognizing me.....

 

[BC38]

I don't buy the idea that college loans are going to disable the next generation. What's going to disable them is thinking they have to get a college degree to make a living. If you have to rely totally on loans to get a liberal arts degree, maybe you should think about other ways to finance college. Or maybe you should think of a job that doesn't require a creampuff "communications" degree to get hired.

Math, Science and Engineering are the way to go if you have to finance a degree, and I've taught my kids that for YEARS.

And there are a ton of ways to get someone else to pay for your degree. My kids both get 4.0 GPA's and higher, depending on their level of AP and Honors classes. But I'm divorced and can't afford to pay their whole way through college without seriously impacting my standard of living. My way of life has already been seriously changed as a result of their mother running around on me. Prior to that, I paid for private grade school and high school and although I give them all the credit in the word for their grades, I like to think I played a small part in it.

My ex is collecting almost half of my pension and I was forced to retire because of this. As far as I'm concerned, the 30k per year she's taking is "college tuition" and I'm not shy about letting my 18 year-old know this

Other than that I promised my kids they would get at least enough tuition from me for 2 years of local community college. There are plenty of jobs you can get with a 2-year degree. I was a cop for 30 years with NO degree. And the city i worked for would pay for half of my tuition up to a masters degree, REGARDLESS of my major. There's no reason a kid can't get a job as a cop and then work his way through school.

And then there's the military. They have excellent programs to finance college.

And then there are the smart kids who insist on going to a school that befits their smartness. My kid wants to go to the University of Michigan, and she'll probably be accepted. But she could also apply to several smaller, less prestigious schools and get a full ride. Her choice.

You can also get on public assistance when in college. Nothing wrong with "food stamps" for college kids, as far as I'm concerned. I'd rather pay for that than for three generations of welfare families who never went to college.

There are hundreds of ways to pay for college for those who really want to go. My beef is with the people who insist on going to college because "it's the thing to do" or because "mom and dad did so I have to", who have zero plans or zero goals. If you "don't know what you want to be when you grow up" maybe you shouldn't go to college right away.

Also, there's nothing wrong with working in the trades. I know a helicopter pilot and mechanic who worked his way through technical school without ever having gone to "college". I also know trade school graduates who make big money as everything from clay modelers to plumbers.

I think too many kids have too narrow a vision as to how to make a living in this world and how to get by in life because their parents have taught them the formula is: "Don't get arrested in high school, get mediocre grades taking un-challenging classes and then get a liberal arts degree at the local state college, that we'll pay for, and you'll be fine." Instead of teaching them about hard work, knowing what you need to do to get what you want, and most of all, how to live within your means and plan for DELAYED GRATIFICATION!!!! You don't need to have a new car and a 4 bedroom house when you're 30 years old if you didn't plan for how to pay for it starting when you were 18 years old!

And least of all, your parents, let alone "the world" don't "owe" you anything when you're an adult. Anything you get from your parents or any luck that comes your way when you're out in the world is a BONUS. I think what is going to "kill" the next generation is a narcissistic entitlement mentality and an attitude that the someone deserve instant gratification because they have some sort of lame-*** liberal arts degree that didn't teach them ANYTHING useful and merely contributed to the continuance of academia.

You're right on with most of this. The only thing I'd add is that college is viewed as a necessity because they don't teach kids much in the public schools any more. Instead of fostering competition and excellence they dumb everything down to the lowest common denominator - the kids who can't or won't learn - that way everyone passes and no one gets left behind.

So they graduate high school barely knowing how to read or write or do simple math. Therefore they HAVE to go to college to finish getting the minimum level of education that they need to be employable. In my experience, most young 20-somethings with a liberal arts degree today know very little more than I did when I graduated high school at the start of the 80's. And their reasoning skills aren't as good as what I had fresh out of high school either.

You're right about the most marketable skills being in math, engineering, and the sciences though. There is a real shortage of talent in these sectors. Like Barbie said "math class is hard" and a lot of young folks today don't seem to have what it takes to do things that are hard.

 

[Rustyt1953]

Over three years ago, my eldest daughter, along with her three children, moved in with us. Her husband was physically abusive to all of them.(He is out of the picture as he, I and the court have an understanding.)

It has worked out great. We have the room, she works and pays her share, we were able (it's tight) to put the two school age kids in a private Christian school as the public school was a bully proving ground, and we love having them here.

For all intents and purposes, I am "dad" to them. They are loved and know it. I get to do all the dad things again: pack lunches, go to games, homework, chauffeur, mentor, sounding board, scratching post, hugger, shoulder and sometimes corner puter inner.

I hope they stay forever.

Beside, if they weren't here, I couldn't say, "not now Ruthie, you'll wake the kids".

 

[vito]

If one of my grown kids, with their own children, needed my help by coming "home" for awhile, it would be fine with me. I feel very lucky that I can afford, even if it is with some strain, to let family live with me while they are struggling themselves.

 

[RJJ 1971]

Taking in and helping your children in tough times (divorce, catastrophe, or abusive relationship) is certainly one thing. Them never leaving and having kids and staying there forever is def another situation.

 

[carpriver]

I left home at 18, but the last 2 years I lived at home I paid room and board. In the 11 grade I got a job working in a small tool and die shop running a lathe, in my senior year I found job in a non destructive testing lab. It paid good money. and I continued to paid my own way. I bought my own school clothes, class ring, senior pictures, and senior trip. I enlisted in the USAF because my mother said my house my rules. I never looked back. I got married a year after I left home.

we had two sons. our oldest was the kid that would move out and come back. He joined the Marines, broke his leg pretty bad, after he was healed he was discharged. Of course he came home, he came home with a dog, he moved out, came back with his girl friend and the dog. moved out came back again but he married his girl friend. I moved because of my job, but I still owned the house. I told the kid he could stay in the house until it sold but he would have to paid the heat, electric. all was fine until he got a better job and moved to be closer to his job. I went to check on the house a couple of days after he moved. this was in the middle of a real bad winter; temps were below zero for 2 weeks. I got to the house and there was no heat. he forgot to fill the propane tank, $700 for an emergency fill and un thaw the pipes. my youngest moved with me found a job, and a car and caused the police to come to the apartment on a noise complaint on news years eve. I was out of town for that. He got married and moved to North Carolina so he could get divorced. He stayed there to be close to his children.

So they should be on their own as soon as they are able. but 22 is the limit.

 

[Grip_Maker's_Wife]

I'd be more concerned about them "not lifting a finger" over age. Teaching children individual responsibility is key growing up otherwise how are they going to function in their jobs and future relationships. Everyone living in the house I grew up in participated in chores, and that included the exchange students we had every summer from Mexico and Sweden.

My mom dished out the chores. When you were 5 you were old enough to scrub the pots and pans and load the dishwasher. When you were 8 you were old enough to do your own laundry. We were all assigned tasks and if you didn't do them, then you didn't get to play. Work first play later. One summer we had an exchange student live with us that was used to having servants do everything for them. You should have seen her eyes when my mom handed them a broom to sweep the kitchen floor! She cried and carried on, but eventually gave in and by the time she left was very thankful to my mom for teaching her to be independent.

Some people I know have adult children that live at home because it is expensive to live in CA. Some of them take 10-30% of their children's earnings as rent, which some keep and will return later or some use to help manage the household.

It is up to you as to what to do but having your child participate in the household in which they live could be the first step.

 

[S&W SS Revolvers]

Sure this will raise some interest.
But how old is too old for (adult) child to be living at home.
They are employed, over 18, not going to college, don't pay rent, aren't special needs, doesn't lift a finger to help around the house, and you really need the space for other kids in the dwelling.
So let's hear it moms and dads.

Per the description above. Hit the road kid...space or no space needed...hit the road.

 

[S&W SS Revolvers]

You're right on with most of this. The only thing I'd add is that college is viewed as a necessity because they don't teach kids much in the public schools any more. Instead of fostering competition and excellence they dumb everything down to the lowest common denominator - the kids who can't or won't learn - that way everyone passes and no one gets left behind.

So they graduate high school barely knowing how to read or write or do simple math. Therefore they HAVE to go to college to finish getting the minimum level of education that they need to be employable. In my experience, most young 20-somethings with a liberal arts degree today know very little more than I did when I graduated high school at the start of the 80's. And their reasoning skills aren't as good as what I had fresh out of high school either.

You're right about the most marketable skills being in math, engineering, and the sciences though. There is a real shortage of talent in these sectors. Like Barbie said "math class is hard" and a lot of young folks today don't seem to have what it takes to do things that are hard.

I respectfully disagree with the college thing. Presently I have two young salesman working for me one with the college education and one with a high school education. The one with high school education is the best. The one with the college education is going to be good. I can tell you this neither one of them has any common sense with any distinguishing degree.

I have worked around both types for 32 years and at the end of the day much prefer the young guy that wants to make a lot of money; honestly. These types seem to care the most about developing relationships with clientele and truly care about the end result and ongoing mutually beneficial business relationships. I have found the high school educated fellows are not locked into the 8 to 5 hours.

 

[BC38]

I respectfully disagree with the college thing. Presently I have two young salesman working for me one with the college education and one with a high school education. The one with high school education is the best. The one with the college education is going to be good. I can tell you this neither one of them has any common sense with any distinguishing degree.

I have worked around both types for 32 years and at the end of the day much prefer the young guy that wants to make a lot of money; honestly. These types seem to care the most about developing relationships with clientele and truly care about the end result and ongoing mutually beneficial business relationships. I have found the high school educated fellows are not locked into the 8 to 5 hours.

There's an exception to every rule. One of my co-workers has a 16 year old Junior who is taking college credit classes. He's WAY ahead of the game - but again, he's one of only a couple of dozen in his whole high school of over 2000 kids.

I was talking about the AVERAGE high school graduate. I work for a Fortune 100 company that makes a point of hiring college students for nearly half of our work force. I've trained and worked with hundreds of college kids over the last 25 years.

Trust me, there are a HUGE number of them who graduate high school and start their first year of college without knowing diddly squat about anything of any practical value. You would be shocked at just how many of them have junior high level reading skills, almost non-existent writing skills, and are unable to balance a checkbook. It's sad really.

After a couple of years of college most of them pretty well get up to speed, but even then they aren't much ahead of the average high school graduate of 30 years ago.