How old is too old to live at home?

Three days after I graduated high school I moved out - against my father's wishes. I had all my junk packed up the night before and 10 minutes after he left for work that Monday morning I was hauling it all out to my car. Never looked back.

Six months later I stayed with my mom & stepdad for about two or three weeks after moving halfway across the country to Wyoming, but the "my house my rules" issue reared its head again, and I moved out of there ASAP too.

I have NEVER lived with my family again since then and that's over 35 years ago. Heck, except for my Dad I've loaned just about all of THEM money at one time or another. Some of my wife's family too.

I've just got too much of a stubborn independent streak to live with someone else by their rules. I can't stand the feeling of being beholden to anyone - or owing anyone anything.
 
Last edited:
This is one of those questions thats really easy to answer if you don't have kids, or your kids are little. My first four all went to college and while one came back for a year while she applied to grad school, they basically went on their own when they left college. Some of these now-grown adults have had some challenges, and I would take any one of them in until they could get back on their feet if needed. But my fifth child, a now 21 year old son, has some mental issues, and in part these issues contributed to him having some trouble with the law. Now he is wanting to be on his own more than anything, but with being on probation right now, and having some serious looking things on his record, he has been totally unable to find a job, any job. He has worked landscaping and roofing when he can find the work, fast food and some other minimum wage jobs, but nothing steady or permanent, and as I said before, right now he can find nothing at all. I will not just throw him out on the street. I guess at some time if he seems to just be accepting his situation and not trying hard to get himself ahead I would consider giving him a 90 day deadline to be out, no matter what, but have not reached that stage yet. I worry that he will conclude in his mind that he will never be able to get a real job because of his criminal record and will conclude that the only way he can earn money is to get into criminal activity again, and throwing him out on the street would likely push him into that path versus just being a starving street person. No easy answers for him, or for me.
 
vito said:
This is one of those questions thats really easy to answer if you don't have kids, or your kids are little. My first four all went to college and while one came back for a year while she applied to grad school, they basically went on their own when they left college. Some of these now-grown adults have had some challenges, and I would take any one of them in until they could get back on their feet if needed. But my fifth child, a now 21 year old son, has some mental issues, and in part these issues contributed to him having some trouble with the law. Now he is wanting to be on his own more than anything, but with being on probation right now, and having some serious looking things on his record, he has been totally unable to find a job, any job. He has worked landscaping and roofing when he can find the work, fast food and some other minimum wage jobs, but nothing steady or permanent, and as I said before, right now he can find nothing at all. I will not just throw him out on the street. I guess at some time if he seems to just be accepting his situation and not trying hard to get himself ahead I would consider giving him a 90 day deadline to be out, no matter what, but have not reached that stage yet. I worry that he will conclude in his mind that he will never be able to get a real job because of his criminal record and will conclude that the only way he can earn money is to get into criminal activity again, and throwing him out on the street would likely push him into that path versus just being a starving street person. No easy answers for him, or for me.
Click to expand...

LOL, mine are 16 and 12, so one of them is within a couple of years of the "magic 18" and the other is only 4 short years behind him. My answer is still the same. If you're done with school, get a job and stand on your own two feet. Or fall flat on your face.

I've worked my tail off for everything I ever got since I was 14 and a freshman in high school. Nobody gave me anything - and I've been able to earn a BS in engineering, an AA in automation technology & electrical power, and a 2 year networking certification while supporting myself WORKING.

My 16 year old has had some mental health issues too, so I know where you are coming from. Once he finishes high school, I'll continue to help him - as long as he's making a serious effort at helping himself. Heck, we took in one of his friends who was essentially homeless last year and clothed fed and sheltered him for over 6 months. He was in school and trying and needed a hand. I have no problem with doing that for just about any kid.

BUT, I will not support a bum. Period. If a kid is still in school - including college - I've got no issue with providing 3 hots and a cot, shoes and clothing. But ONLY if they're still in school (making passing grades or at least doing the best they can) and trying to do something with their life.

If they're going to be a lazy bum and a spongy waste of resources, as some here have described, then that's their choice and they can do it somewhere else. They aren't doing it on my dime.
 
It's time for him to grow up he will stay as long as you let him. It doesn't mean you don't love him or her but they need to learn something on their own like how to manage their money.
 
vito said:
This is one of those questions thats really easy to answer if you don't have kids, or your kids are little. My first four all went to college and while one came back for a year while she applied to grad school, they basically went on their own when they left college. Some of these now-grown adults have had some challenges, and I would take any one of them in until they could get back on their feet if needed. But my fifth child, a now 21 year old son, has some mental issues, and in part these issues contributed to him having some trouble with the law. Now he is wanting to be on his own more than anything, but with being on probation right now, and having some serious looking things on his record, he has been totally unable to find a job, any job. He has worked landscaping and roofing when he can find the work, fast food and some other minimum wage jobs, but nothing steady or permanent, and as I said before, right now he can find nothing at all. I will not just throw him out on the street. I guess at some time if he seems to just be accepting his situation and not trying hard to get himself ahead I would consider giving him a 90 day deadline to be out, no matter what, but have not reached that stage yet. I worry that he will conclude in his mind that he will never be able to get a real job because of his criminal record and will conclude that the only way he can earn money is to get into criminal activity again, and throwing him out on the street would likely push him into that path versus just being a starving street person. No easy answers for him, or for me.
Click to expand...

You, sir, are a good dude. And a good Dad.

I think this whole "18 and out" thing is a relatively new phenomena. I can't think of anything better than to have my kids living their lives and raising their families under my roof. I can help them, they can help me, and I'd have the joy of grandkids running around. When they bury me in the yard it becomes their house and it all starts over again.

For the record, I was out at 18 and never came back. Doesn't mean it was the best way.
 
I knew a guy that was 60 years old that never moved out. Both of his parents passed and as far as I know he's still living there. Had a good job and now has SS and a pension from his job.

I guess you're never too old to move out.
 
My rule is 20 if they're going to college. I told them I'd pay for 2 years of community college and let them commute from home to save money for 2 years. If they want to go to a 4 year college off the bat, I told them I'd give them what I would have given them for CC and the rest is up to them. If they're NOT going to college, they're out in the fall following their high school graduation. I'd suggest the military if they choose not to go to college.
 
1968, 18 years old I moved out to live with a relative, Uncle Sam! Three hots, a cot and 98 tax free dollars a month! Throw in cheap haircuts and free dental and life was good.
 
Yep I went to college for a year and didn't know what I wanted to do. I did know I wanted to see the world and my dad had been in the Navy in WWII. So the day after my 19th birthday, I joined the Navy. Went to the USS Oklahoma City, CG-5 in Yokosuka, Japan. Trained with the SEALs to be rescue swimmer in 1977. Did that for a while. Made E4 as an Illustrator Draftsman and got shipped off to CINPACFLT in Hawaii.
Had a great time and some disappointing times with one Chief who decided to use our materials to at our shop to make shirts and hat silk screening for an auto dismantler to get free parts for his 1964 1/2 Mustang. I had to put a stop to him as an E-5. That wasn't fun. But I did. I didn't know what I wanted to do...but I sure wasn't going to sponge off of my parents even though they had plenty of bucks. It just wasn't in my character or morals to do so. It's probably why I made it through the rescue swimmer course. Those SEAL guys know how to work your butt off. 49 people stated the class and 11 of us finished. FUN TIMES.
 
RSanch111 said:
My rule is 20 if they're going to college. I told them I'd pay for 2 years of community college and let them commute from home to save money for 2 years. If they want to go to a 4 year college off the bat, I told them I'd give them what I would have given them for CC and the rest is up to them. If they're NOT going to college, they're out in the fall following their high school graduation. I'd suggest the military if they choose not to go to college.
Click to expand...

Thinking I like this answer above the best, so far.
Not too crazy to the right (kids should never leave because I'm insecure).
Not so far left (move their **** out while they are at their graduation ceremony).
Kids - we all love em in our own way.
 
As long as the kid is gainfully employed or going to school, I have no problem with them living at home. My dad was in his early 30's when he moved out and got married. He was working for his father's machine shop business and had gotten a graduate degree mathematics at a prestigious university. He was able to pay for his home (the home I grew up in, and where my dad and mom still live) IN CASH.

I lived at home with my parents during college and saved a ton of money commuting. I then went to graduate school out of state and moved out. I was 22 years old. I have a B.A., an M.A., and a Ph.D, I'm married with a young daughter, and I have zero debt. This was possible because I lived at home throughout my undergraduate degree, and didn't have to live off credit cards to eat.

These days, living at home can be a good thing, as long as the kid has a plan, and is working toward that life plan.
 
I have a BIL that's still living at home with his parents......... 54 years old.... still paying on College and Law School loans............

A nephew....... had a full ride at a smaller Pa. College..... "didn't like the town" ......so bailed after a year...... U of Conn. for two years....... now at U of Pitt............ 26....and hopefully will graduate this year...... Loans? yes ..... now wishing he's stayed at that "smaller Pa. College"!!!

This whole College debt thing will kill the next generation.......

My oldest is 18 and a HS Senior...... part time job at a small neighborhood butcher/grocery store...... learning a lot about money, small business and life. This part time job has really helped him "grow up"..... been coming home with some great observations and insights.

Plan to help him through College...... but it's got to be a learning process about life and IMHO ..........he has to have skin in the game.
 
Last edited:
I was lucky two of my kids had good jobs that paid for college. I would of paid anyway if they needed it.
 
The 18 & out thing makes no sense to me. I've seen it in operation and too many times the results were not positive.

My favorite story on this subject came from an older friend. He lived with his family that included two sisters. Both went to college and had good jobs teaching a few cities away from where their Mother and Father lived. Jim didn't go to college and worked locally. His Mother insisted he pay room & board, which he resented since his parents had helped both of his sisters get through college. As time went on this resentment festered and by the time Jim was about to be married and move away to start his own home and family he bemoaned the fact to his parents that he would have a lot more money to put down on his house and help take care of his new wife if his Mother hadn't charged him all of that r&b. :mad:

Of course when he got married the wedding gift from his Mom and Dad was every penny Jim had paid them for r&b. :)

Jim's parents were not wealthy, in terms of money, but they raised three fine productive adults who loved and admired their parents as the wise and loving human beings they were.
 
The last one is 22 and he is mostly out of the house but is still in college working on a 5 year forestry program that will give him his B.S. and M.S. This is still his permanent address, although he's out in the woods all summer on jobs and away at college. He's paid his own way with scholarships so far. Some of them were 4 year grants and ended last year, so this final year he may need a bit of help. I believe if a kid has a goal and is progressing towards it satisfactorily, there is no magic out the door age. If he was playing video games all day it'd be another matter.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

LVSteve
Home HVAC airflow weirdness
Replies
11
Views
432
SMSgt
SMSgt
JRB416
Mom and her Model 13-2
Replies
8
Views
996
SGT ROCK 11B
SGT ROCK 11B
oldbrownhat
Her 8-Year-Old Drove Herself to Target and Became an Internet Star
Replies
0
Views
924
oldbrownhat
oldbrownhat
BabaBlueJay
Gun storage (with young kids)
3 4 5
Replies
84
Views
5K
smoothshooter
S
glenwolde
How times have changed....
Replies
13
Views
663
jeffrefrig
J

Latest posts

Back
Top