I own and carry a M&P9c along with a 49 no dash. My wife has good size women's hands and does like either.
NRA Director Linda Walker used to have a woman's CCW class at her farm. Ohio used to require a 12 hour class. Linda's class was all in one day, included 2 meals and all the ammo you needed to try out as many of the 30 handguns the women wished! (all for $70). My wife went with two other women from our church and during the ammo consumption portion of the event she tried and left and returned to a Glock 17. So that's what I bought her. Happy Wife, Happy Life!
If you want her to actually practice and carry, give her a good opportunity to actually fire several guns, and maybe even different ammo combinations. Many indoor ranges have a special day or night just to cater to this need!
As to 1911 type thumb safeties: You (anyone) will be proficient with what you practice with! I went to 1911' in the late 1970's. The "Cocked & Locked" method of safety is about as fast and safe as anything else! You just have to use it correctly!
My preferd way to CCW a 1911, is in a Galco Small of the Back holster. I use this style holster for Sig 220's, 245's, and 229's. There is no difference in reaction time between disengaging a thumb safety and a straight double action! The draw and thumb disengagement are all in the same motion.
The thumb safety motion is so ingrained in my soul, I still sweep the thumb safety even when drawing a revolver! That doesn't hurt a thing and keeps my reflexes nimble for most any common handgun!
Ivan