GOOD One Liners - or even not so good ...

[SW MP15]

An old Auctioneer told me this one about an old car dealer.

He'd rather climb a tree and tell a lie, than stand on the ground and tell the truth!

 

[Smithboomer]

"So tired my blood pressure was 2 over 1."

 

[16thVACav]

The best way to make a million in farming is to start with two million.

 

[DWFAN]

I'll bet the doctor hit your mother when you were born.

Dumber than a box of rocks.

Slower than molasses on a tin roof in January.

 

[M&P340]

It's a modern marvel or an engineering disaster.

Sent from my two story out house.

 

[dougb1946]

Yes, Dear!

 

[Comrad]

" I'm pregnant"...

Congratulations, who's the lucky guy.

 

[madd matt]

I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken.

 

[625-7]

Like turning on the TV and watching the Stupid Show

 

[jdlii]

He would rather climb a tree and tell a lie than stand on the ground and tell the truth.

You can lead a horse to water but, you can't make a duck wear a cold water saddle.

"What do I know? I don't even suspect anything!"

There are two theories for winning an argument with your wife and neither of them work.

You can tell him but, you can't tell him much.

She is seldom wrong and never in doubt. (Reminds me of my Mom)

His mouth was running but, his brain wasn't in gear.

 

[Maddog 521]

"if I had a million dollars, I'd farm til it was all gone" My departed uncle

 

[Kevin J.]

Remember if you can see the enemy, he can see you!

Grass don't grow on a busy street ( reference to baldness)

Careful.....I have a black belt in smart ***.

 

[JohnnyO]

If it ain't broke, take it apart and find out why.

We're off like a herd of turrtles!

If you see a pretty woman smoking a cigarette "Awe, she smokes... You know, any woman that would voluntarily put something that foul, that disgusting in her mouth is alright by me."

 

[mtgianni]

"Cut dog, no puppies". From an old Texan who could sleep standing up while leaning on a shovel, i have never heard that today's actions could be tomorrows dejection's expressed as well.
"Mother viewed bragging as being next to the twin sins of murder and idleness." Me at my late mothers funeral.

 

[Tradewind36]

It doesn't matter and so what if it does.

If you think you can or if you think you can't, you're right either way.

 

[Double-O-Dave]

Don't squat when you're wearing spurs.

He's riding a gravy train with biscuit wheels.

Ugly as home made sin.



Regards,

Dave

 

[G.T. Smith]

This thread makes me happier than a redneck with a goose neck.
Peace,
gordon

 

[Kevin J.]

IF......if a frog had wings he wouldn't bump his *** when he jumps.

 

[meaneyedcatz]

Learn something every day. Nothing has ever been won by being ignorant.

 

[Combat_Accuracy]

If worms had shotguns, then birds wouldn't **** with them.

"It is easier to fool people than to convince people that they have been fooled." -Mark Twain.

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