Respect and Dignity at funerals

When I go I hope that everyone that means much to me has seen come around or called me in the last year or so. If they want to have some sort of "remembrance" a BBQ would be great, Jeans and casual shirts even T shirts, are more to my taste so that would be fine. Need to make some sort of big bore cannon to launch the ashes before I go.

Now some people I would wear a suit. Some one I respected who thought that suits were the way to go at funerals. Clothes should fit the person who is making the trip.
 
When mu Dad died we had the cemetary plots at Pinelawn on long island NY. They drove past our house and then on to the long Island expressway. Even with the lights on kept getting cutoff and having to slow down. Don't know if it is requested but down here in Louisiana I usually see a police car with flashing lights leading the procession. And when Mom died my niece shows up with flaming pink hair and those darned flip flops. I hate flip flops.Already told my wife that when I go just dress me in a clean pair of jeans, pullover sports shirt and no jewelry. Where I'm going no need to be fancy. When my neighbor's Dad passed he wore jeans, pullover shirt with the name of his garage embroidered on the right side. Frank
 



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There was a guy in Ct who put his wife through a wood chipper.

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I did not get to go to Dad's Funeral!

I did not get to go to Dad's Funeral!

There was a delay with death certificate and some paperwork.
My Sister DID NOT TELL ME WHEN HIS MEMORIAL SERVICE WOULD BE HELD!

I had been told a likely date, depending on the completion of required items. But there was no certainty of that being accurate.

She FORGOT to call me. She TEXTED everybody.
I do not text!

He lying and thieving while executor of the will is another matter.

Bekeart
 
Another southern tradition.
When approached by a funeral procession, pulling off the road until it passes.
Sadly, this form of respect seems to be fading away too.
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If by "southern" you mean south of Lake Ontario ... That was common when I was a kid, nowhere near the Mason-Dixon Line.
 
I did not get to go to Dad's Funeral!

I didn't go to my dad's funeral back in the UK. Two reasons:

1) He had told me MANY times not to do so and to avoid telling of his passing to any more folk than absolutely necessary. Yeah, I broke that latter part of his request.

2) My first wife was terminally ill and I was reluctant to leave her.

Dad's ashes were conveyed to me and I scattered them at the spot he had chosen during an earlier visit to the Vegas area. I pity the fool that tries to build on that location...;)
 
When we laid "Pop" to rest 2 years ago we were instructed to wear white shirts, starched jeans, boots and our cowboy hats. "Pop" was the last of the gentlemen cowboy ranchers of this world. We carried him to his rest in a an old buckboard ,horsedrawn wagon. He always had a spot open in the bunkhouse for me, and plenty of work. When Mrs Barbara , Pops wife, died we all donned pink shirts in her honor. 8 cowboys carrying her to her final rest next to "Pop". Everyone pulled over when we were en route to the cemetery both times. We may be redneck around here but we like to show respect when it is needed.
 
Faulkner;

Respect, and dignity, seem to be lost attributes of today's society.

For persons to have dignity, and respect others, they first have to respect themselves. This has to be taught. Selfishness comes naturally

Parents listening?

Chubbo
 
As some have said, funerals are not for the dead. They are for those left behind. Dress to show respect for the one's who have lost a loved one. The dead do not care. You show who you really are when attending a funeral.

^^This^^

I suppose I should have included the word "character" when I started off the thread. Reading through the posts I see that some never or seldom attend funerals and that's okay. Seems I have attended a great number of funerals in recent years and I've been to many traditional as well as less than traditional ceremonies.

Adhering to the deceased's or family's requests, or thoughtfully responding in such a way that reflects the life of the guest of honor that may not be traditional is indeed honoring them and showing respect. For example, I too have been to many a farmer's funeral here in Arkansas where most of the male attendees were wearing bib overalls. I assure you, though, they were their cleanest pair, and they also left their favorite hunting dog out in the back of the truck.

I've also been to funerals where most people showed up loud and proud riding a Harley and wearing leather gear. Based on the situation, this was very respectful.

I even attended the funeral of a long time state wildlife officer where most everyone wore hunting camo . . . this was quite appropriate.

I raised my sons to be respectful, as I learned from my father. I don't suppose there are any rules that you have to show up at a traditional funeral in a black suit in tie, though out of respect I usually do. But showing up at a traditional funeral dressed like a bum (not because they're poor, but because they lack character) or bringing along your lap dog inside the church demonstrates crassness.
 
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One thing I notice here in the North Florida/South Georgia area is that cars will pull over and stop for a funeral procession coming down the road, and those processions typically have a full police escort. I have watched folks walking on the street, stop, removes their hats as the procession goes by.

Since I am mostly a shotgunner, I told my wife to have one of my kids load up some of my ashes in some shotgun shells and have my friends give me a 21 gun salute/sendoff, and to scatter the rest in several favorite spots from the Caribbean to the open West.
 
Going Out With a BANG!

Since I am mostly a shotgunner, I told my wife to have one of my kids load up some of my ashes in some shotgun shells and have my friends give me a 21 gun salute/sendoff, and to scatter the rest in several favorite spots from the Caribbean to the open West.

Going Out With a BANG!

I LIKE your STYLE!

Bekeart
 
Another southern tradition.
When approached by a funeral procession, pulling off the road until it passes.
Sadly, this form of respect seems to be fading away too.

I experienced this when we layed my Grandmother to rest in Champaign County Ohio in 2015. I grew up in Oregon and had not experienced this. Not only did every car pull over, but most people stepped out of their cars and stood at attention as we passed. It made a mighty impression on me and I now view it as the proper way.
 
My mother always thought it odd that folks around here, although meaning no disrespect, instead of asking "when is the viewing?" Or "when is the visitation?" they ask "when is the layout?"
 
"When is the layout ?" An interesting localism.
No iron rules other than courtesy and respect. At the service for the Civil War reenactor, he involved his stepson in all his activities, the kid was overjoyed to have a father again. His wife deeply resented the time and money he spent on them, feeling it should have been spent on her. All the reenactors in his unit and some from others spoke to the son (he was 17), I don't think anybody spoke to the wife.
 
I am not sure I like the open mike approach used today too many babble about themselves rather than the departed. Grief is a curious thing. there is always this, "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain"
 
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