Uninvited critters in bed. What's your story?

[Wise_A]

Been stung while sound asleep by yellow jackets a couple of times, by scorpions a couple of times,

I once reached under a boat cover, eager to get it out and start the fishing season. Of course, I did this without looking at all.

I plunged my hand directly into a hornets' nest. Big ******* hornets. I could feel the nest crunch against my hand, and the hornets rustling around for an instant before one immediately stung me. I impaled myself on a fishhook once--this was way worse.

I got lucky and had already dosed up on Benadryl due to allergies. My hand still swelled up pretty good, with a big welt and a blister.

After I got some ice, I went back there with a giant can of wasp spray and absolutely murdered those things. To this day, I can't pass a nest of hornets or wasps without committing a war crime.

 

[mtgianni]

For most of my life, my family learned I was not to be awaken suddenly. I come up swinging and hitting at who knows what, I certainly don't. If you say my name first i am fine but don't touch me blindly. My first remembrance of this was at age 5. My children and grandchildren found it great fun to wake me and watch the show. Phones didn't bother me as I was soon awake and ready to go on a call-out.
My sons cat flew through the air too many times when he decided our bed was fair game. My dogs were never a bother, weird but true. Insects and anything else were soon sent off somewhere. There is a reason I don't have a gun under my pillow.

 

[LVSteve]

Another cat story I just remembered.

One New Year's party at my aunt's house I got a real skinful of alcohol and crawled into bed about 0430. As I was drifting off a motorboat started up in in my ear. Looked up to find my aunt's striped female tabby looking at me. Once she got my attention she rubbed her head against my hand and proceeded to pry up the covers and climb in. In my stupor I thought, "Oh well" and went to sleep.

Woke up in the morning and opened my eyes to find the cat laying in the bed with me, her head on the pillow like a lover. My hung over brain sort of went "There's a cat's head on my pillow. Did the Godfather call?" My aunt laughed like a drain when I told her, and she informed me I wasn't the first to be visited in that way.

 

[Cyrano]

Half a century ago......or maybe a little more, I was playing field artilleryman at Ft Sill. We were out on an RSOP and were sleeping on the ground at night. I was asleep when something scuttled across my face. I stayed awake quite a while wondering if he was chasing or being chased.

 

[swsig]

I had this girl once.......

I hear ya. And when I woke up, I was very crabby.

 

[GunarSailors]

While temporarily being stationed in Colorado (my last night there) I must have rolled over on a Brown Recluse in my sleep. It bit me on my back, and it didnt take long before I started feeling some discomfort. The next day I remember being in enough discomfort that pulled my shirt up to check out my back in the mirror of the restrooms at the airport. I noticed a little red spot but didn't think too much about it. I headed back to my hometown for 30 days of leave. As the days went by, the red area grew considerably and the center or core started to rot. The area around the bite was swollen, and there was essentially a hole in my back. It looked alot like a volcano especially after the core fell out. I was planning on getting it looked at by a military doctor once I PCS'd to South Korea. Around the 2nd week I had to go to the local Doc in a box in my hometowm and have him give me something for it. That was pretty painful, and I should have had my head examined for not getting that looked at sooner.

 

[Leonard]

Not quite in bed by I woke up in the middle of the night to an elephant standing over me.

 

[Qball]

Critters for me? Kids! They love to invade every single piece of real estate their parents have... They're worse than rattlers & scorps @ times! Way messier too!!

Been there, done that to
Almost got me killed, my daughter could not sleep by here self so she would
curl up between us in bed. Woke up one night gasping for air
She had spun around (in her sleep) and stomped me right on my throat.

Took me some time before i could breath again.

 

[brigeton]

Years ago my wife & I had been out at night and came home & got into bed. My wife let out a yell and jumped back out of bed. When she pulled back the covers there was a skinned rabbit leg laying there that the cat had brought in. My teenage son had let the cat in during the night and in his teenage stupor hadn't noticed the cat carrying the rabbit parts. My side hurt from laughing.

 

[bearman49709]

Some time back I was shooting at my daughters farm.

Why were you shooting at your daughters farm?

I used to live in Central America.
One night I felt something crawling on my arm I woke up and didn't feel anything so I tried to go back to sleep when it decided to start moving again I used my other hand to swipe it off, heard it hit the far bedroom wall then the floor.
3" American cockroach lay on its back with it legs just a kicking, it didn't survive the flipflop smack down.

 

[BearBio]

As a wildlife biologist and outdoorsman for 50+ years, I have a couple more:

I was camping by myself. I had been deer hunting by Lake Piru in Ventura County, CA and quail season was starting Saturday and my brother was bringing his GSPs up and I was gonna switch gears. My deer hunting buddy headed home and I was alone for one or two nights. We had had a couple of camp robbers (raccoons) hanging around. Middle of the night something is pushing against the tent wall and I back-handed it a good slap! It was like hitting a truck! I yelled and whatever it was took off. Next morning, tracks showed it was a good sized black bear.

The summer I graduated from college, the Department Head asked me to help teach a Jungle Ecology course in Belize and Guatemala. We stayed in a sort of "tent cabin"==wooden walls with a thatched roof. You could write a whole thesis on the ecology of thatched roofs==there are numerous spiders, bats, opossums, rodents and lizards to name a few. One of the boys "cabins" had a gigantic "Baboon Spider" (A bird spider about 8-9" across). It was sitting there in the thatch looking at us (Spiders don't blink, so I guess it was staring/glaring (?) at us). The Professor decided he wanted it for a specimen.

Now, the ceiling is about 12-15 feet high and no stable furniture. So three of us (the biggest) lock arms to form a base. Two smaller guys climb up on them to form a second level. Of course, this is taking several efforts. All the while, the spider is staring/glaring at us. If spiders could laugh, he'd of been busting a gut! We finally (By using a couple of more guys) establish a pretty firm(?), two story base. The smallest guy climbs up and gets settled. We hand him a broom and the idea is for him to sweep it down and a couple of us will pounce on it. He swings...........at the very last instant, the spider ducks back into the thatch!

Of course, the whole pile of us ended up in a tangle (put it simply!) on the floor.

 

[JayC_783]

A few years ago, I woke up one morning to something crawling on my arm. I brushed it off, without looking, thinking it to be a spider or fly. A couple minutes later I brushed my arm across the blanket. I found out exactly what it was. The hornet stung me on my finger right at the base of my fingernail. That woke me up instantly. He died a quick and violent death. Talk about a rude awakening. That made me rather cranky the rest of the day.

 

[gtk]

Being an avid outdoorsman, I have had several encounters like the ones above. Often coming in to the cabin from hunting, I would inadvertently bring in some critter on my clothes and it would end up crawling on me during the night, which would lead to stings/bites/flailing of arms.

One of the funnier moments was when I used to carry a pager for work(before cell phones). I was on the way to my stand to bow hunt when my pager went off on my hip (on vibrate). I had just gotten into some yellow jackets a few days before, so I was convinced I had ran into more of those yellow devils. I was running & swatting at my hip for a good 75 yards before I realized what was going on.. Ended up loosing my release for my bow.

Walking through spider webs in the dark will also induce flailing of arms and a panic run through the woods. What is just about as bad, is walking through a spider web and that spider decides to covertly hitch a ride on your clothes. Then, when you are 20' up a tree on a little deer stand, it decides to drop down the back of your shirt. It is hard to flail around and remove spiders down your shirt when you don't have but about 20" of room to stand on..

 

[swsig]

Not quite in bed by I woke up in the middle of the night to an elephant standing over me.

I have a couple of questions:
Did you shoot him in your pajamas?
Were you in Tuscaloosa?

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NfN_gcjGoJo[/ame]

 

[Leonard]

I have a couple of questions:
Did you shoot him in your pajamas?
Were you in Tuscaloosa?

Groucho Marx- Capt Spalding shot an elephant - YouTube

In Botswana holding a 416 with soft points came within a hair of shooting him. Concern was he could fall on me, run over me I was not in a good position to place a solid brain shot nor did I have the right loads. I guess I would have shot him in my underwear.

 

[pmanton]

Not exactly in bed with me but pretty scary none the less. Some years back I was doing an inspection on a light airplane that involved pulling a wing off. I was working in the owner's hangar and didn't have a wing rack so I put down an Army mountain sleeping bag on the hangar floor as padding and leaned the wing against the wall.

Upon completion I shook the dust off the sleeping bag and hairy black spiders came boiling out of the bag. It was INFESTED. !!!

I picked it up with a stick and drug it to a Dumpster. Just thinking about climbing into that bag gives me the creeps.

 

[Salty RI]

We used to have a house on Conanicut Island, we used to close it down for the winter, one spring we went to open up the house and there was mouse dropping's in the sink, you could see they were eating a bar of soap , I went to the hardware store and bought a bunch of traps, that night when we went to bed you could hear the mice running through the heat duct's, all of a sudden I heard snap, snap, I got up and there was two dead mice in the traps, I took them out side and through them in the woods, went back to bed and again snap, snap, my wife wanted to go home, anyway that night I caught eight mice, when I woke up in the morning there was a dead mouse under me, that was about thirty years ago and to this day, I never told the wife about it, if she had known the house would have been up for sale the next day.

 

[BearBio]

We had a mouse invasion in our garage (pretty well sealed off from the house) and a couple of rats in our garden shed. I put a even part mix of baking soda, flour sugar and cornmeal. Found droppings for a couple of days and then no more.

 

[Fishslayer]

Well, earwigs are everywhere, but... laying in bed one night watching TV & a big ol' wolf spider drops outta nowhere onto my chest & bolts down the bed & over the side.

Shiver thinking about it...

 

[fat tom]

Not asleep,but once at the lake after swimming,I climbed up on the dock when my wife said "you're bleeding"! Looked down to see blood flowing down my leg from under my swimming trunks. Upon examination of my nether parts,I discovered a very large leech attached to my lifelong buddy. Never felt the "bite",never experienced any pain,UNTIL I ripped the bugger off. Took quite a while for the blood to clot.
f.t.